failure
yes, i missed school AGAIN...
i couldnt fall asleep last night no matter what. i hate sleeping alone! ill get used to it.
today flat out sucked big hairy white dirty ass. not cool. i woke up, ate some noodly chicken stuff my mom made (it was the ONLY thing to eat in the entire house) then i got on the computer and talked to aaron. he got a job, 8.50 an hour starting tomorrow. his dad got one for 14 an hour. holy shit. and today was the first day they even attempted to find a job. lucky bastards....
aarons so good to me though. he knows im lonely and he makes me feel so much better when i talk to him. i think he told his friends to keep tabs on me and be there for me, cuz all of them have been calling me "just to talk" or "to hang out later" the last few days. i guess its nice though.
anyway, i had to work 4-9, ugh i hate restaurants. i want a normal job where you dont have to run a drive-thru window and deal with smelly old people who cant hear. grrr!!
supposed to hang out w/ aleshia tonight but shes sick so that didnt work out, had some other sorda plans but that didnt work out, so i came home and sat down and i just had this horrible feeling...i dont know why but the worst feeling in the world to me is feeling alone and going through an entire day without accomplishing ANYTHING at all. it was so depressing.
and then right then, aaron called. perfect timing, i was about to cry (ugh i hate crying. once i start, i cant stop) and he made me feel better. i decided that i want to move down there. i dont want to live with him though, i might stay with my relatives for a while. but im going to spend the summer or most of it down there at least just to try and figure some things out. its jsut that i feel like im at a dead end here...all the good jobs do background checks & drug tests & shit here, down there id have a perfectly clean record & everything, and i really want to see my dad, because despite the fact that hes an irresponsible asshole, hes not going to be around much longer.
i would jump in my car and leave right now if i could, but im gonna finish the semester. im worried about leaving my grandma when i go though. she would get so upset shed have a heart attack or something...we're very close and she needs me (awww lol) and my grandpa just spent 1300 dollars to buy me a new car, it would be kind of asshole-ish so be like thanks for the car, bye! i dont know, i have some thinking to do but im seriously going to turn suicidal if something doesnt change. no kidding. its not just because of aaron, its everything, mainly a certain huge thing that only my close friends know of (oh and a few stupid bitches too) but anyway, the fact that i cant talk about it just makes it worse. sigh...but we'll see how things work out.
time to sleep, im determined to make it to class tomorrow!
i couldnt fall asleep last night no matter what. i hate sleeping alone! ill get used to it.
today flat out sucked big hairy white dirty ass. not cool. i woke up, ate some noodly chicken stuff my mom made (it was the ONLY thing to eat in the entire house) then i got on the computer and talked to aaron. he got a job, 8.50 an hour starting tomorrow. his dad got one for 14 an hour. holy shit. and today was the first day they even attempted to find a job. lucky bastards....
aarons so good to me though. he knows im lonely and he makes me feel so much better when i talk to him. i think he told his friends to keep tabs on me and be there for me, cuz all of them have been calling me "just to talk" or "to hang out later" the last few days. i guess its nice though.
anyway, i had to work 4-9, ugh i hate restaurants. i want a normal job where you dont have to run a drive-thru window and deal with smelly old people who cant hear. grrr!!
supposed to hang out w/ aleshia tonight but shes sick so that didnt work out, had some other sorda plans but that didnt work out, so i came home and sat down and i just had this horrible feeling...i dont know why but the worst feeling in the world to me is feeling alone and going through an entire day without accomplishing ANYTHING at all. it was so depressing.
and then right then, aaron called. perfect timing, i was about to cry (ugh i hate crying. once i start, i cant stop) and he made me feel better. i decided that i want to move down there. i dont want to live with him though, i might stay with my relatives for a while. but im going to spend the summer or most of it down there at least just to try and figure some things out. its jsut that i feel like im at a dead end here...all the good jobs do background checks & drug tests & shit here, down there id have a perfectly clean record & everything, and i really want to see my dad, because despite the fact that hes an irresponsible asshole, hes not going to be around much longer.
i would jump in my car and leave right now if i could, but im gonna finish the semester. im worried about leaving my grandma when i go though. she would get so upset shed have a heart attack or something...we're very close and she needs me (awww lol) and my grandpa just spent 1300 dollars to buy me a new car, it would be kind of asshole-ish so be like thanks for the car, bye! i dont know, i have some thinking to do but im seriously going to turn suicidal if something doesnt change. no kidding. its not just because of aaron, its everything, mainly a certain huge thing that only my close friends know of (oh and a few stupid bitches too) but anyway, the fact that i cant talk about it just makes it worse. sigh...but we'll see how things work out.
time to sleep, im determined to make it to class tomorrow!