she's a good girl. loves her mama. loves jesus. and america too.
no, i've never felt like this.
i've felt stressed. and tired. and numb. unsatisfied. dissatified. perplexed. unknown. dizzy. frightened. unphased. useless. knowing all the while how stupid i was being, and almost sure of how much time i must have been wasting.
but i've never felt like this before. it's ill. untame. untame. and i want to be beyond it. i want to fix it or control it or supress it. or kill it.
i haven't cried. but tonight - i've never cried like this before.
it's so unreal. so unreal. shortlived at least.
it's muted anticipation. the anticipation of someone who has neither the time nor the capacity to anticipate. steady...steady...nothing to anticipate, except the loss of anticipation. which only takes me back, doesn't it?
everything IS drawn in circles, isn't it?
it is.
what's the conspiracy? give me something. disappointment. failure. give me up. take me away. DO something. leave. but don't leave me waiting.
it's all i can do to keep spinning.
and knowing. it's never so bad. it can always be worse. it's just me being self-centered again. it isn't that bad. be happy. be happy. be happy...
i've felt stressed. and tired. and numb. unsatisfied. dissatified. perplexed. unknown. dizzy. frightened. unphased. useless. knowing all the while how stupid i was being, and almost sure of how much time i must have been wasting.
but i've never felt like this before. it's ill. untame. untame. and i want to be beyond it. i want to fix it or control it or supress it. or kill it.
i haven't cried. but tonight - i've never cried like this before.
it's so unreal. so unreal. shortlived at least.
it's muted anticipation. the anticipation of someone who has neither the time nor the capacity to anticipate. steady...steady...nothing to anticipate, except the loss of anticipation. which only takes me back, doesn't it?
everything IS drawn in circles, isn't it?
it is.
what's the conspiracy? give me something. disappointment. failure. give me up. take me away. DO something. leave. but don't leave me waiting.
it's all i can do to keep spinning.
and knowing. it's never so bad. it can always be worse. it's just me being self-centered again. it isn't that bad. be happy. be happy. be happy...