(no subject)
tomorrow, may 30th, we would have been together for 2 years and 6 months
well.. i closed my journal thinking that i wouldnt get to use the internet anymore.. but terrance helped me fix my home computer.. so i guess i can still write here...
but i am just going to join the ranks of crying and whining livejournal users, you know, the kind we always make fun of.
shit. i just don't know what to do. everything sucks so badly right now. i just cry like a fucking baby all day. goddamn.. i can't say goddamn enough...
i tried not to hate her but i guess emotions win over logical thinking... it is my fault that he broke up with me, not hers, and it's my fault i'm not good enough.. but i can't tell my heart that i guess.
am i stupid or is this normal... i've never been heartbroken like this before..
from my deathfirefly journal
dec 2nd 2001
"so ter and i went to the mall, then to like bennigans and ate cheesestix. it was so funny, while we were eating there was a minute of quietness and he goes "whats your last name" and immediately i'm like "hamilton what's yours!!" it was SO funny cuz early in the day i'd been thinking i was so gay i didn't even know his last name!!!@ now i do tho, so i'm not quite so gay. then watched uhm... about 1/3 of harry potter *blush* ^^0 whoo!
so at 11:30 everyone was gone and i walked ter out to his car to say good bye. he finally left at 2:45 am. rofl. i can't believe we made out/talked for three hours, just standing there. it was delicious! we are very similar and i think i like him quite a bit. he bit me and was like "watch out i'm a bit of a vampire" and i was in love right then. hell yes he is a vampire! SO AM I. this is the greatest. KNOW WHAT ELSE?! he hates it when people crack their knuckles!!@ ME TOO. i hate that shit!! every time i say not to everyone grins and does so. damn crap. i told him that and he shuddered and said he hated it. whee"
dec 5th 2001
"yesterday was so great. ter called me right at 4 it made me so happy. we talked until like 6:10 or so. then i ate and showered and all that good stuff... the phone rang again and i was sure it wouldn't be him.. however i was PLEASANTLY wrong. he called me again! made me very happy.
so anyway it's time to rant about ter. carlye thinks he is really hot, but if she only knew what else there was to him... he's just so.. in big words, aesthetically pleasing, but in short, he's beautiful. he's got the greatest hands and he's so soft.. i love his hands. his eyes are so deep.. and he's got well.. the prettiest lips i've ever seen. he doesn't have abs but who cares! he has the cutest little belly lol ^^ far better than abs ^_~ and he smells so good... and that's only things on the outside, i'll get to those other things another day :]"
december 6th, 2001
"so yeah i miss ter as i said before. every few moments i miss him a little more. dear god that rhymed. only 17 more waking hours until he comes to see me i CANT wait at all i'm bursting. he's got something to ask me and i don't know what it is and it's driving me crazy. gosh he is just so sweet i almost wanna break down and cry when i read his emails to me. i've never been so happy before in my life and i'm so serious. we're almost the same person only he's so beautiful and smart and kind that he's just way better than me... i don't deserve this at all, i'd never be worthy of him in a million years but here he is emailing me and calling me everyday to tell me that he misses me. *huggles blanket up around herself* and i miss him too"
thats all i can stomach today...
well.. i closed my journal thinking that i wouldnt get to use the internet anymore.. but terrance helped me fix my home computer.. so i guess i can still write here...
but i am just going to join the ranks of crying and whining livejournal users, you know, the kind we always make fun of.
shit. i just don't know what to do. everything sucks so badly right now. i just cry like a fucking baby all day. goddamn.. i can't say goddamn enough...
i tried not to hate her but i guess emotions win over logical thinking... it is my fault that he broke up with me, not hers, and it's my fault i'm not good enough.. but i can't tell my heart that i guess.
am i stupid or is this normal... i've never been heartbroken like this before..
from my deathfirefly journal
dec 2nd 2001
"so ter and i went to the mall, then to like bennigans and ate cheesestix. it was so funny, while we were eating there was a minute of quietness and he goes "whats your last name" and immediately i'm like "hamilton what's yours!!" it was SO funny cuz early in the day i'd been thinking i was so gay i didn't even know his last name!!!@ now i do tho, so i'm not quite so gay. then watched uhm... about 1/3 of harry potter *blush* ^^0 whoo!
so at 11:30 everyone was gone and i walked ter out to his car to say good bye. he finally left at 2:45 am. rofl. i can't believe we made out/talked for three hours, just standing there. it was delicious! we are very similar and i think i like him quite a bit. he bit me and was like "watch out i'm a bit of a vampire" and i was in love right then. hell yes he is a vampire! SO AM I. this is the greatest. KNOW WHAT ELSE?! he hates it when people crack their knuckles!!@ ME TOO. i hate that shit!! every time i say not to everyone grins and does so. damn crap. i told him that and he shuddered and said he hated it. whee"
dec 5th 2001
"yesterday was so great. ter called me right at 4 it made me so happy. we talked until like 6:10 or so. then i ate and showered and all that good stuff... the phone rang again and i was sure it wouldn't be him.. however i was PLEASANTLY wrong. he called me again! made me very happy.
so anyway it's time to rant about ter. carlye thinks he is really hot, but if she only knew what else there was to him... he's just so.. in big words, aesthetically pleasing, but in short, he's beautiful. he's got the greatest hands and he's so soft.. i love his hands. his eyes are so deep.. and he's got well.. the prettiest lips i've ever seen. he doesn't have abs but who cares! he has the cutest little belly lol ^^ far better than abs ^_~ and he smells so good... and that's only things on the outside, i'll get to those other things another day :]"
december 6th, 2001
"so yeah i miss ter as i said before. every few moments i miss him a little more. dear god that rhymed. only 17 more waking hours until he comes to see me i CANT wait at all i'm bursting. he's got something to ask me and i don't know what it is and it's driving me crazy. gosh he is just so sweet i almost wanna break down and cry when i read his emails to me. i've never been so happy before in my life and i'm so serious. we're almost the same person only he's so beautiful and smart and kind that he's just way better than me... i don't deserve this at all, i'd never be worthy of him in a million years but here he is emailing me and calling me everyday to tell me that he misses me. *huggles blanket up around herself* and i miss him too"
thats all i can stomach today...