Gosh Darn it.
Yeah. Everyone I know is off at the dinner dance, and I am stuck at home. I cant go. That is tottally stupid. Yeah I think Atreyu is my new second favorite band. dude strung out better do awesome on their next album cause atreyu is tottally fucking awesome times 62.4. I dont know but today I am feeling very regretful. I think all that I have done wrong over the course of this school year has come back to haunt me. With half a day left I dout I will have the time to fix it all. I have realized so much in just the last couple of hours. I dont know where or why it came, but it is here. I think it has something to do with Meaghan. I know I havent been playing this realationship stuff the right way and now its bothering me. You know I guess I know who will read this, but thats not bothering me right now. I dont have the time left to worry. It all started at the end of the day when I took tara's yearbook to look at, cause I didnt order one. When I saw the picture Of Meaghan. when I saw that picture, everything flashed right infront of my eyes or something like that. I know it sounds crazy, but no ones perfect you know. I do have feelings for Allie, and I didnt think I did for Meaghan. Then when I saw that picture, I know it sounds funny or wierd, but i was like crying on the inside. seriously. I guess I thought about awesome Meggie really is, and that all that we had this year, is now gone, and I wont get to see her in like forever. Seriously this may sound stupid or korny or whatever, but the truth is Meggie Saved My Life. One day I was so close to killing myself you dont even know. I left my house and 3 miles away from my house on the coldest night of the year, when I was about ready to do it, I sat on the edge of this railroad bride and I looked down and thought about Meggie. I was thinking what was my point of living. like what could I do now? then I thought. I will never get to see Meggie's Beautiful face ever again. And now I am not dead, but that is almost my reality. It really makes me sad. I didnt think I had feelings for Meggie, But Then I realized when I was looking at the pic, I fucking miss that girl so so much. She meant more then anything to me. and now its all gone. I dont know what to think. I dont want to hear it if you say im going from Allie to Meggie. Fuck You. I dont care. I cant help what I think. I do care for Allie So So So Much. And now school is over and I wont be able to see eather of them. Meggie was the best 6 months of my life. and if you have any comments about when we broke up keep them to yourself. its none of your bussiness. only me and meggies. I am feeling very regret ful for everything I did wrong, and now I know everything that she wanted, Its to late. i am so sad and confused about everything I am feeling right now. Please help me higher Power.