blahhhhh
i hate being sick, it makes me feel so worthless and i am soooo bored. i hate staying home. its too quiet when im here by myself and then i think too much but then once they start making noise i leave and hole myself up in my room. im so over thinking. theres constantly only one thing on my mind now and its taking control. everything i do makes me think of her but the thing is that right now im really pissed at her. like sometimes i wonder if she would notice if i disappeared. im not so sure she would.
i'm feeling depressed again, i thought i was doing okay but im not anymore. but this time its different. its not chemical this time, its centered around a certain topic. if all of that went away i think i would be better. right now its just slowly breaking me down. school sucks. it only makes things worse. sometimes i have a great time, like friday was awesome cause it was so free and i spent the entire afternoon hanging out at the cafe but most of the time its really boring and somehow i always feel lonely. i feel lame for feeling like i have to have a certain group that i always hang out with, it makes me feel all dependent and clingy. i hate having to depend on other people. school makes me feel like i can never do good enough. at sequoia i was like a big fish in a little pond so to speak, the work was so easy and i didnt have to work that hard. now everybody is super smart and im like at the bottom of the totem pole. too many analogies for one sentence. i think what pisses me off the most is that i think i could do well if i didnt feel like shit all the time.
i'm feeling depressed again, i thought i was doing okay but im not anymore. but this time its different. its not chemical this time, its centered around a certain topic. if all of that went away i think i would be better. right now its just slowly breaking me down. school sucks. it only makes things worse. sometimes i have a great time, like friday was awesome cause it was so free and i spent the entire afternoon hanging out at the cafe but most of the time its really boring and somehow i always feel lonely. i feel lame for feeling like i have to have a certain group that i always hang out with, it makes me feel all dependent and clingy. i hate having to depend on other people. school makes me feel like i can never do good enough. at sequoia i was like a big fish in a little pond so to speak, the work was so easy and i didnt have to work that hard. now everybody is super smart and im like at the bottom of the totem pole. too many analogies for one sentence. i think what pisses me off the most is that i think i could do well if i didnt feel like shit all the time.