content yet unsatisfied
So its sunday afternoon and depending on the way you look at it, it's a start to a new week or the ending to an old one. And for me, it's an ending to a good one. For the most part i did everything i wanted to get done and then some. I managed to keep my job with some sort of luck, maybe even impress my boss. i finished all the school work for the rest of the year as i know of, freeing up more time for myself, even though i have the wednsday thing im going to have to do. i have practically finished my attic, so i can start on my basement, and i got another light wired with a switch, all i did myself. Did all my bills out for the next 3 months to see how much leeway i have with money in order to be able to get the vehicle i want. Altogether productive week if i say so myself. but to me, it just doesn't feel like it's enough. i should have done more in one way or another. but that's just me... partly from drug use in the past, i just don't get the satisfaction from the small things in life like many other people do. I saw niki last night too. It was the same but different. I try no to think in such large pictures anymore and narrow it down. Tonight...tomorrow..this week, maybe next week... but i want to look in to next month, next year, 5 years instead. Not necessarily becasue of her, but because of us before. i like knowing what will happen next, it makes life easier to control. i would have given up a long time ago, but i really dont know why i didn't... it never felt right too. hmmm...just thinking in quiet and peace. I love this. I do it when i need to work on something important. just drown everyone else out and concentrate and let my mind wander. its when i do my best work. and i know i have control, control over everything but other people, and even that can be affected... but that was before, when i would manipulate for what i wanted, not earn it the hard way...