my past will bury me
im toast. my body must really hate me for all the stress i put it through. My days are feeling endless. Work in the sun is just as bad as days in the cold, and the funny part is i tend to enjoy it. Im not here to boast of good things, or complain of bad things, just to let my mind unwind. I spent the weekend with the family, and with sam's family, the other family. IT was cool. But still i want MY family, my own family. GAy i know, 20 year old wanting a family but i do. I want things to get better, not resting in the middle of good and bad. i don't get it, i always feel like i missing something. and things keep reminding me of things missing in my life. Its too bad too. I just sit here and wonder and kind of hope in an earnest upbeat type of optimistic attitude. I know my life will come together, because i won't have it any other way. I won't let myself be distracted, because i have to succeed. But enjoying life has it's consequences which im seeing in full force. the great good and bad. babysat trevor a lil bit and i think about stupid things i've said to girls ive been with. Not that they would've have been the right one for me anyhow, but just what i said. Nobody's ever ready for kids. Really if you step back, nobody is. It just grows on some and doesn't on others. There's no science to it, it just happens. Kinda like that amazing bullshit thing. i don't know just me rambling on, nobody reads these but its a way to bring up underlying issues that bother me and keep some of t hem still hidden