i've never learned how to live
i don't know what to do with myself right now. im restless, lonely, inabled to concentrate... so many other things. I feel like i really do have no one anymore. And the time when i need it most. its fuuny, actually, i've been there for everyone, when they did or didn't need it. Whether it was sam and dan, or niki and tony, or someone needed a hand, or needed some money or just a friend to help bring out a smile. Call me selfish but fuck u... who's the selfish one now. I was there for everyone i cared about when they needed it. Im sitting here, about to go to the gym a second time today because it helps clear my head. my grandfather is sick and dying, it seems as though any of my friends won't make the time or have just abandoned me, nobody believes in me, im battling financially, my sobriety is a struggle i rather give up on...i don't know... there's just so much going wrong. And the worst part is i can't change most of it. And what i can change, or try to change, whats the point. The one of few things i thought was going well blew up in my face, and i don't know what happened, or how... im just so lost. And i want to think these negative things and put the blame on myself like with everything else, but for one of the first times, i actually think i did everything right. i don't know, i just need someone, anyone, at this point, to confide in... in this sea of hell.