words not easily understood
so the last journal i posted, that u can not see, was a little too harsh in reality and complicated to understand. first of all, ive lost all control over everything but my physical urges. Actually, i can control them amazingly well. so im not so much of the "fucking idiot" she thinks i am. haha, the whole point of that night was not to engage in anything, but she only sees what she wants, she forgets often about the other people. not that i mind all the time, just occasionally. Like critisizing my size, ya i know i'm small, but really nothing i can do about it... nature won't allow me to grow and so i'm stuck skinny and small. it's always one thing after another. Im never going to be perfect and i can live with that, but can she. i do love the girl though. but there's really more to it. I know she's been there for me, and deserves, the world, but to an extent i do too. this is why i got rid of the myspace... my friends look say i dont see u anywhere on hers, just this other dude whats the deal with that. I guess they're right to an extent. but how do i say this to her. Life i keep on blowing it off, but eventually im going to have to say something... and i think she know's. i just can't keep sleeping with someone who's with someone else as well... it's degrading to myself. i dunno, she keeps saying her mom, and i keep saying if u put in the effort, itll be fixed, but am i the only one who cares? Once the effort is there maybe she will. i don't know, ill write more on this later, but really i have to talk to her about it first