what do i do???
its funny.. how u can pray and just believe in something and with patience it comes to u.. it may not be *instant* but soon.. it just happens.. kinda weird
i was thinking today what if all the people that i lost came back everyone that i loved and left what it would be like, if my parents never divorced if those times my mom, Diane, Summer and I werent alone
and we had a father that loved us and a husband for my mom who treated her kind, and sweet and gave her every thing. but then if all that didnt happen then i dont think my mom and sisters and i would be has strong as we are now
i dont think we would of had made it threw it with out all those things and i dont think my mom would have met Bill...
the whole day i was just thinking what if, what if and i think that was a bad idea b.c. all it did for me was get me depressed. i went on to google when i got home and i looked up Carlsbad (c-bad) california and there was many pics of the places that i always hung out at and then it showed a pic of my old house and i just started crying i didnt know how bad i missed c-bad until now i would give anything to go back there to my house on the beach to go and hang out with alex on the beach and go to those lil stores in the alley and go eat CiCi's (mexican food) with all my friends there was a pic of the steep hill on the board walk and there are to hills one hill coming down to the walkway from the street then another hill on the other side of the walk way going down to the beach and when you go down there is a bunch of rocks that people always stacked rocks on top of those rocks and kept on going... and there is a shower and
a bathroom that smelt like salt and had a bunch of sand in it but it was either that or the ocean lol this one time when i was with alex and i was going down the hill on my long board and i couldnt stop and kept on going and then all the sudden i plow right in to the sand and it hurt so bad i couldnt move for like 7min's.. lol things like that you dont realize they are not going to last long and when they are gone and you dont have that special place or thing or friend you miss it and you miss it alot but see thats just common sense. no one knows how i feel right now no one does. you can cheer me up if you want but see its never going to last nothing ever does. I just wish i was back in C-bad with all those things that i have left not knowing what i was missing out on. i know i know,i know that i said i
was happy that i was leaving but at that time i didnt know what i was leaving. i just wish i was back at my house on the beach with summer, Diane, my Mom and all of us going to Palm Springs every weekend, laying out in the sun, waking up early in the morning with our PJ's still on and going garage sell shopping, i wish i can have all those things back, all those people, all those lil things, those lil moments b.c. if i did get them all back i would cherish them forever and not take one thing for granted.
i was thinking today what if all the people that i lost came back everyone that i loved and left what it would be like, if my parents never divorced if those times my mom, Diane, Summer and I werent alone
and we had a father that loved us and a husband for my mom who treated her kind, and sweet and gave her every thing. but then if all that didnt happen then i dont think my mom and sisters and i would be has strong as we are now
i dont think we would of had made it threw it with out all those things and i dont think my mom would have met Bill...
the whole day i was just thinking what if, what if and i think that was a bad idea b.c. all it did for me was get me depressed. i went on to google when i got home and i looked up Carlsbad (c-bad) california and there was many pics of the places that i always hung out at and then it showed a pic of my old house and i just started crying i didnt know how bad i missed c-bad until now i would give anything to go back there to my house on the beach to go and hang out with alex on the beach and go to those lil stores in the alley and go eat CiCi's (mexican food) with all my friends there was a pic of the steep hill on the board walk and there are to hills one hill coming down to the walkway from the street then another hill on the other side of the walk way going down to the beach and when you go down there is a bunch of rocks that people always stacked rocks on top of those rocks and kept on going... and there is a shower and
a bathroom that smelt like salt and had a bunch of sand in it but it was either that or the ocean lol this one time when i was with alex and i was going down the hill on my long board and i couldnt stop and kept on going and then all the sudden i plow right in to the sand and it hurt so bad i couldnt move for like 7min's.. lol things like that you dont realize they are not going to last long and when they are gone and you dont have that special place or thing or friend you miss it and you miss it alot but see thats just common sense. no one knows how i feel right now no one does. you can cheer me up if you want but see its never going to last nothing ever does. I just wish i was back in C-bad with all those things that i have left not knowing what i was missing out on. i know i know,i know that i said i
was happy that i was leaving but at that time i didnt know what i was leaving. i just wish i was back at my house on the beach with summer, Diane, my Mom and all of us going to Palm Springs every weekend, laying out in the sun, waking up early in the morning with our PJ's still on and going garage sell shopping, i wish i can have all those things back, all those people, all those lil things, those lil moments b.c. if i did get them all back i would cherish them forever and not take one thing for granted.