havnt been emo in a while...
Tell me why I, out of all fucking people, am fucking scared of EVERYONE.and EVERYTHING. right now? that is not like me..not one bit.
I dont know why, but if someone looks at me, or touches me, or compliments me or says they love me, i want to reject it.
I know some of you are very close to me, and im sorry if this offends you..but right now I don't and feel like I can't actually trust anyone.
I share a few personal things with VERY FEW of you..but still even after I mention it to you..I'm paranoid.
I get this feeling every now and then that someone is talking shit about me, or saying something rude about me. or telling a secret, or embarressing me. WTF
I'm feeling as if Karma is around my corner, but I dont know why.
I feel tears in my eyes constantly everyday, but I don't let them lose all of the time.
As soon as I feel a smile comming on, something clicks inside me and says I should hide it.
I think I've cried to my mom the last 5 times I've talked to her.
FUCK THIS PERSON THAT HAS OVERTAKEN ME!!
WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE YOU SAMI,THE STRONG ONE? or THE OUTSPOKEN ONE? or THE HAPPY FUCKING ONE..oh what about THE FUN ONE?
the one who wanted to get out of bed, the one who wanted to talk to people one the phone, the one who wanted to hang out all of the time..
I am sami, I am a minor, I break hearts, and I have had my heart broken. I look for love in all the wrong places, yet I can't seem to figure out what I think love is anymore. I write poetry, and I love my music. I love my friends, but sometimes I feel like I have no one to turn to. I live in Michigan, but I was born in Virginia. I grew up somewhat in Maryland, and I miss all of my family there. I have a big family, and alot of my family doesn't even know me anymore. Alot of my friends don't know me anymore, because I dont know where Im at in life. I worry alot, maybe too much. I worry myself to the point where Im up all night. I get too ahead of myself with somethings, yet I dont take action when I want to. I have hatred for two people, and two people only. I have cared, and been cared for, yet I have hurt, and been hurt. I am shy at first sometimes, but I'm also really outgoing after you get to know me. I want to go see mine in Mass. but I will have to wait a little bit. I have a crush, yet he isnt crushing on me. I will take what I can get, but I will give all I can give. I take alot of pictures, yet I dont like anyone else taking pictures of me. I change my hair colour alot, and I love to cut/colour other peoples hair. I plan on going to college, but I dont know if I'll be accepted into the one I've longed to go to. I didn't pay my $165 dollar phone bill yet, so I miss being able to call people, and recieve calls. I babysat for a while in the beginnning of summer, and I quite. I wasn't paid, and I was getting to sick. I have put on weight, yet I wear tanktops and feel somewhat comfertable with my body. Sometimes I dont like talking to people, other times I NEED to talk to people. I dont stay the night at anyones house much, but I really wish I did. I miss my girls, and yet I've seen them quite a bit. I miss Lily, and I didnt get to say goodbye. Fathers day is comming up, I wish my father in heaven a lovely day. I will still make him a card, and put it in a box. I will call my grandmother in Maryland and ask for her to put flowers on his grave for me. I am often confused, but I like to figure things out on my own time. I dont sleep very much, but I sleep in quite late. I dont really have money often, and when I do, it goes by pretty fast. I need to learn money managment.
I wish I could tell you what I really feel, but Im scared to do so.
I am me, and that is all I can be for now. I'm working on the bad, and trying to make it good.
and this is me now....
I am Samantha. I dont trust anyone, I am scared of everything. I miss my family, imediate and long distance. I have been in love, but not true love. It was never a two sided feeling, it was all just me. In love alone. I use to write good poetry but I've had a year long writers block. I dont have as many friends as i use to, but i dont mind it sometimes. the friends i do have are pretty cool. I dont want to live in muskegon anymore, and i hate basically everyone..I am lost.
compare that to who i was maybe a month or so ago:
Sami, the fucking bitch. the girl who hated people and the world. a girl who didnt put up with peoples shit, and the girl who spoke her mind. the girl who locked bitches out of houses, and didnt give a fuck about peices of shit. the girl who knew who she was, and what she was all about. the girl who HATED liars, and would fucking tell you what i thought to your face. I didnt put up with peoples shit..and I was above every other fucking person out there.
FUCK LIFE
I dont know why, but if someone looks at me, or touches me, or compliments me or says they love me, i want to reject it.
I know some of you are very close to me, and im sorry if this offends you..but right now I don't and feel like I can't actually trust anyone.
I share a few personal things with VERY FEW of you..but still even after I mention it to you..I'm paranoid.
I get this feeling every now and then that someone is talking shit about me, or saying something rude about me. or telling a secret, or embarressing me. WTF
I'm feeling as if Karma is around my corner, but I dont know why.
I feel tears in my eyes constantly everyday, but I don't let them lose all of the time.
As soon as I feel a smile comming on, something clicks inside me and says I should hide it.
I think I've cried to my mom the last 5 times I've talked to her.
FUCK THIS PERSON THAT HAS OVERTAKEN ME!!
WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE YOU SAMI,THE STRONG ONE? or THE OUTSPOKEN ONE? or THE HAPPY FUCKING ONE..oh what about THE FUN ONE?
the one who wanted to get out of bed, the one who wanted to talk to people one the phone, the one who wanted to hang out all of the time..
I am sami, I am a minor, I break hearts, and I have had my heart broken. I look for love in all the wrong places, yet I can't seem to figure out what I think love is anymore. I write poetry, and I love my music. I love my friends, but sometimes I feel like I have no one to turn to. I live in Michigan, but I was born in Virginia. I grew up somewhat in Maryland, and I miss all of my family there. I have a big family, and alot of my family doesn't even know me anymore. Alot of my friends don't know me anymore, because I dont know where Im at in life. I worry alot, maybe too much. I worry myself to the point where Im up all night. I get too ahead of myself with somethings, yet I dont take action when I want to. I have hatred for two people, and two people only. I have cared, and been cared for, yet I have hurt, and been hurt. I am shy at first sometimes, but I'm also really outgoing after you get to know me. I want to go see mine in Mass. but I will have to wait a little bit. I have a crush, yet he isnt crushing on me. I will take what I can get, but I will give all I can give. I take alot of pictures, yet I dont like anyone else taking pictures of me. I change my hair colour alot, and I love to cut/colour other peoples hair. I plan on going to college, but I dont know if I'll be accepted into the one I've longed to go to. I didn't pay my $165 dollar phone bill yet, so I miss being able to call people, and recieve calls. I babysat for a while in the beginnning of summer, and I quite. I wasn't paid, and I was getting to sick. I have put on weight, yet I wear tanktops and feel somewhat comfertable with my body. Sometimes I dont like talking to people, other times I NEED to talk to people. I dont stay the night at anyones house much, but I really wish I did. I miss my girls, and yet I've seen them quite a bit. I miss Lily, and I didnt get to say goodbye. Fathers day is comming up, I wish my father in heaven a lovely day. I will still make him a card, and put it in a box. I will call my grandmother in Maryland and ask for her to put flowers on his grave for me. I am often confused, but I like to figure things out on my own time. I dont sleep very much, but I sleep in quite late. I dont really have money often, and when I do, it goes by pretty fast. I need to learn money managment.
I wish I could tell you what I really feel, but Im scared to do so.
I am me, and that is all I can be for now. I'm working on the bad, and trying to make it good.
and this is me now....
I am Samantha. I dont trust anyone, I am scared of everything. I miss my family, imediate and long distance. I have been in love, but not true love. It was never a two sided feeling, it was all just me. In love alone. I use to write good poetry but I've had a year long writers block. I dont have as many friends as i use to, but i dont mind it sometimes. the friends i do have are pretty cool. I dont want to live in muskegon anymore, and i hate basically everyone..I am lost.
compare that to who i was maybe a month or so ago:
Sami, the fucking bitch. the girl who hated people and the world. a girl who didnt put up with peoples shit, and the girl who spoke her mind. the girl who locked bitches out of houses, and didnt give a fuck about peices of shit. the girl who knew who she was, and what she was all about. the girl who HATED liars, and would fucking tell you what i thought to your face. I didnt put up with peoples shit..and I was above every other fucking person out there.
FUCK LIFE