You're All I've Got Tonight [4/9]
Title: You’re All I’ve Got Tonight
Author: xstockpiledmmrs Anna
Rating: R [violence]
Pairing: Ryan/Spencer ; Ryan/Brendon
POV: Third (Ryan-centric)
Summary: Ryan’s always had someone to hold him when he goes to sleep, and he’s never gone a night without them. They hold them, promise him a life of love, and the next morning, they’re gone. It’s all a figment of his imagination. But now, Ryan’s starting to see similar characteristics between his lover and the people he knows, and it’s much more complication then he could ever have imagined.
Disclaimer: I do not own the people in this story, no matter how much I want to. The plot, however, is mine. Title belongs to the Smashing Pumpkins.
Author Notes: I was going to update a few days ago, honest, but I was too tired to go through everything one last time. And yesterday I was sick as a dog, and couldn’t get to my computer. I’ll update in a few days, or I hope I can. And yeah, I am updating on the day of the strike, just because I actually have the chance to upate. Thanks goes to my beta, prescribepills , as well as omgz_unicorns and perriotsickness
Previous: Here
In his school, Ryan isn’t really noticed. He’s practically invisible, and can do what he likes without getting teased or bullied. He feels sorry for the choice few that the ‘cool’ kids decided to pick on and destroy the egos of. Ryan is just… lucky. He’s a no one. He doesn’t have to worry about getting pushed into lockers or anything. Ryan is simply a student who gets good grades and is slowly becoming Brendon’s newest fuck buddy. Actually, it’s more like a fuck pet. He knows he and Brendon will never be buddies, no matter how many times he wishes for it to be so.
--
“Is that a hickey on your neck?”
Ryan and Spencer are walking towards their usual table, and Spencer, out of nowhere, tugs down the collar of Ryan's shirt, exposing the red mark on it. Ryan furrows his eyebrows together and pushes Spencer’s hand away, shaking his head. “No. It’s a bug bite. You know, it’s getting to be that time of the year…”
He can tell Spencer doesn’t believe him.
“Hey, Ryan,” Brendon steps in front of him, grabbing his arm to prevent him from getting around him. “Come sit with me.”
Ryan doesn’t move when Brendon tries to tug on his arm, just stares at him with slightly wide eyes. Spencer’s glaring at Brendon, though, resting a hand on Ryan’s shoulder.
“He can make his own decisions,” Spencer practically spits, eyeing Brendon suspiciously. “So let him go. I don’t think he wants to sit with you.”
Ryan just listens as Brendon and Spencer start to argue, and he licks his dry lips, staring down at the ground. “Spencer… Spencer, please stop,” he whispers, glancing up at his friend. He knew that if he let Spencer continue on like this, there would probably be a fist fight soon, and he didn’t want that. “I’ll… I’ll be right back, okay?”
Brendon smiles happily, while Spencer just scowls and stomps away, throwing hateful glances over his shoulder at the male next to Ryan. Ryan is rather surprised as Brendon just wraps an arm around his waist, dragging him towards the table where Ryan has never dared to sit.
“Hey, everybody, this is my cute little pet, Ryan,” Brendon announces to the table, pushing Ryan down so he's sitting on the bench. “I’m telling you, Brent, he’s way better than that Trisha girl you have.”
Ryan just keeps his gaze down, still holding his little brown, bagged lunch in his lap, his cheeks and neck red from embarrassment as Brendon talks to his friend about what a good little fuck Ryan is, and how tight he is. If possible, Ryan turns an even darker shade of red as Brendon’s hand slides up his leg so it’s resting dangerously close to him on his inner thigh, while Brendon continues on talking as if nothing is happening. Ryan squeaks as soon as Brendon starts to unzip his pants, fingers applying pressure to his crotch.
“Shut the fuck up,” Brendon hisses, and Ryan just seals his lips together, his eyes falling shut.
While Brendon continues chatting, he manages to bring a mute Ryan to orgasm, and Ryan is quite proud of himself for going unnoticed.
--
Spencer is watching Ryan angrily from where they’re playing video games in Spencer’s living room on a Saturday night, and for once, Ryan is actually winning the games.
“Will you stop staring at me and actually try playing the game for once?” Ryan asks, his eyes not even moving from the screen.
“Will you stop ignoring me and actually try answering my questions for once?” Spencer retorts, throwing his controller onto the floor. “You’re my fucking best friend, and you won’t explain to me why Brendon fucking Urie is dragging you everywhere, and why you have all of these bruises, and why you’re just not Ryan! You kiss me and then you tell me not to worry, and then that we just can’t be together. I can’t handle this anymore, Ry!”
Ryan just stares at a picture of a three year old Spencer hanging on the wall, licking his lips as he listens to Spencer rant on and on. “I just can’t tell you, okay?”
“Then I just can’t deal with being around you. Just… get out.”
He looks up at Spencer, his eyes slightly wide as he sees the angry but sad look on Spencer’s face, his friend pointing towards the door. “Spencer-“
“Don’t, Ryan. Just… go away. Leave me alone and stop breaking my heart,” Spencer looks away from Ryan, trying not to cry.
Ryan doesn’t understand why Spencer’s doing this, and he slowly stands up, not sure of what to do. In the time they’ve been friends, Spencer’s never kicked him out. He’s never been angry with him, or sad, or… in love with him. “Spencer… Spencer, I’m sorry.” He sits down beside Spencer on the couch, his long, skinny arms wrapping around his warm friend, pulling him close. Spencer just buries his face in Ryan’s neck, crying and whispering out ‘I love you’ whenever he has enough air to speak.
He just strokes Spencer’s back soothingly, breathing in his sweet scent. Ryan loves Spencer too, but he’s not sure if it’s that love. He’s always loved Spencer, as a friend, as a brother, and maybe sometimes as a lover. But… Ryan…. Ryan just doesn’t know. He wants so badly to love someone who loves him back, and Spencer could do that for him.
But maybe… maybe Ryan wants Brendon to do that for him instead.
--
“Call me when you get home, alright?” Spencer smiles at Ryan and kisses his lips affectionately, taking a step away from their hug.
Ryan nods and he smiles back at Spencer, waving his hand somewhat shyly. “I will, don’t worry. Bye, Spin.” He watches Spencer walk away, standing there and grinning like an idiot every time Spencer glances over his shoulder at him. Soon though, he knows he has to move, and he does, walking off of the school campus and towards his neighborhood. He’s clutching his books tightly to his chest, his head down, and he’s muttering under his breath, practically praying.
“Get the fuck in. How stupid are you? God. How hard is it to remember to come to the parking lot after school?” Brendon’s voice calls out to him, and Ryan looks up to see the car along the curb, an unhappy Brendon in the driver’s seat.
He shrugs, wetting his lips with his tongue, not sure what to do. He can’t do this. He can’t continue doing this, with Brendon always making him feel whole and loved even when he isn’t doing that. “I have to go home…”
Brendon rolls his eyes, opening the passenger door. “Get in, stupid. We don’t even have to go to my house. I’ll just fuck you in the back seat.”
Ryan turns to face the car, keeping his eyes down on the concrete. His heart’s beating fast against his chest, and Ryan really just wants to clap a hand over it, forcing it to stop. It’s annoying, hearing the beats in his ears, loud and obnoxious, while his heart feels as if it’s trying to force its way through his skin. “I can’t. I don’t want to.”
“What the fuck do you mean you don’t want to? Now get in already.”
He shakes his head and starts walking again, and Ryan isn’t really surprised when he hears footsteps behind him, and then a strong hand around his flimsy wrist. Brendon forces Ryan to face him, and he winces slightly, not prepared for that strong glare from the warm, chocolate eyes that bore into his honey ones.
“I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to. You hurt me,” Ryan whispers, tilting his head down. He feels Brendon’s grip loosen around his wrist, and soon, there’s a gentle hand on his chin, lifting his head up. He meets Brendon’s gaze nervously, somewhat shocked to see the soft look in his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Brendon says, and his voice is filled with sincerity and worry and care and everything Ryan’s always dreamed of in Brendon’s voice. “I didn’t know I was hurting you.”
Ryan blinks once, then twice, and on the third blink, Brendon was kissing him tenderly, his calloused fingers gently caressing the current bruise on his left cheekbone. He just stands there until Brendon’s arm wraps around his waist and pulls him closer, and Ryan places his hands timidly on Brendon’s shoulders, melting into the kiss. Ryan isn’t sure how much longer they stood there, but soon, Brendon is pulling away from him, lovingly pushing hair away from his face, so Ryan’s vision is clear.
“I’m so sorry, Ryan. I didn’t know you felt that way,” Brendon tells him in a hushed tone, and he pulls Ryan even closer to his body, enveloping Ryan in a hug. “You should’ve told me. I’m a horrible boyfriend.”
Ryan’s… shocked. He’s shocked. Brendon, whose been saying Ryan’s his cute little pet for the past months, is suddenly calling him is boyfriend? Ryan rests his forehead on Brendon’s shoulder, shutting his eyes and trying to think of what to do. He can’t have two boyfriends, he can’t. He doesn’t even know if Brendon’s telling the truth.
Brendon’s walking now, carrying Ryan bridal style towards his car, fully prepared to just drop Ryan into the passenger seat. Ryan snaps out of his daze, shaking is head and looking up at Brendon. “Put me down, please. Please.” Ryan’s practically begging, and Brendon gently sets Ryan down on his feet. Ryan looks around, and sees that his backpack and books are where they had been standing, and he practically runs to collect them.
Ryan knows Brendon’s right behind him again, and when he turns, he isn’t surprised to see him standing there, hands on his hips. Ryan wets his lips nervously, immediately casting his gaze down, because Brendon has told him that he didn’t deserve to make eye contact with him, that he wasn’t good enough. “I… I already have a boyfriend,” he mumbles out, and he doubts that Brendon can hear it.
And he's right. “Wait… what? Speak up, you’re mumbling. You know how much I hate mumbling,” Brendon says, a frown pulling at his large lips.
“Spencer. Spencer’s my boyfriend,” Ryan states firmly, clearly, and he still doesn’t look up. Ryan anticipates the blow, and isn’t too surprised when he’s knocked to the ground, Brendon standing over him. Ryan clutches his nose where Brendon had hit him, feeling the blood seeping through the space between his long, bony fingers.
Brendon doesn’t hold back much strength when he kicks at Ryan’s midsection, parting his lips slightly to spit on the bloody, teary mess of a boy below him. “You fucking slut. You just can’t keep your ass to yourself, can you?”
Ryan says nothing, just takes each insult, each hit as Brendon grabs his shirt, lifting him up and throwing him back down. He hears a nasty crack as his right leg lands beneath his body at an awkward angle, and he can’t stop himself from crying out in pain, his blunt fingernails dragging against the rough concrete. There’s one last kick, to his head this time, and his vision starts to get blurry. Ryan sees red and then black, and out of the corner of his eye he can see Brendon sneering at him and walking back to his car, as if nothing had happened. Ryan just shuts his eyes, crying as he feels himself losing consciousness, feels the blood rolling down the side of his face.
And Ryan kind of gets the feeling that Brendon was lying when he apologized, that he really didn’t care what happened to Ryan as long as he got off.
Author: xstockpiledmmrs Anna
Rating: R [violence]
Pairing: Ryan/Spencer ; Ryan/Brendon
POV: Third (Ryan-centric)
Summary: Ryan’s always had someone to hold him when he goes to sleep, and he’s never gone a night without them. They hold them, promise him a life of love, and the next morning, they’re gone. It’s all a figment of his imagination. But now, Ryan’s starting to see similar characteristics between his lover and the people he knows, and it’s much more complication then he could ever have imagined.
Disclaimer: I do not own the people in this story, no matter how much I want to. The plot, however, is mine. Title belongs to the Smashing Pumpkins.
Author Notes: I was going to update a few days ago, honest, but I was too tired to go through everything one last time. And yesterday I was sick as a dog, and couldn’t get to my computer. I’ll update in a few days, or I hope I can. And yeah, I am updating on the day of the strike, just because I actually have the chance to upate. Thanks goes to my beta, prescribepills , as well as omgz_unicorns and perriotsickness
Previous: Here
In his school, Ryan isn’t really noticed. He’s practically invisible, and can do what he likes without getting teased or bullied. He feels sorry for the choice few that the ‘cool’ kids decided to pick on and destroy the egos of. Ryan is just… lucky. He’s a no one. He doesn’t have to worry about getting pushed into lockers or anything. Ryan is simply a student who gets good grades and is slowly becoming Brendon’s newest fuck buddy. Actually, it’s more like a fuck pet. He knows he and Brendon will never be buddies, no matter how many times he wishes for it to be so.
--
“Is that a hickey on your neck?”
Ryan and Spencer are walking towards their usual table, and Spencer, out of nowhere, tugs down the collar of Ryan's shirt, exposing the red mark on it. Ryan furrows his eyebrows together and pushes Spencer’s hand away, shaking his head. “No. It’s a bug bite. You know, it’s getting to be that time of the year…”
He can tell Spencer doesn’t believe him.
“Hey, Ryan,” Brendon steps in front of him, grabbing his arm to prevent him from getting around him. “Come sit with me.”
Ryan doesn’t move when Brendon tries to tug on his arm, just stares at him with slightly wide eyes. Spencer’s glaring at Brendon, though, resting a hand on Ryan’s shoulder.
“He can make his own decisions,” Spencer practically spits, eyeing Brendon suspiciously. “So let him go. I don’t think he wants to sit with you.”
Ryan just listens as Brendon and Spencer start to argue, and he licks his dry lips, staring down at the ground. “Spencer… Spencer, please stop,” he whispers, glancing up at his friend. He knew that if he let Spencer continue on like this, there would probably be a fist fight soon, and he didn’t want that. “I’ll… I’ll be right back, okay?”
Brendon smiles happily, while Spencer just scowls and stomps away, throwing hateful glances over his shoulder at the male next to Ryan. Ryan is rather surprised as Brendon just wraps an arm around his waist, dragging him towards the table where Ryan has never dared to sit.
“Hey, everybody, this is my cute little pet, Ryan,” Brendon announces to the table, pushing Ryan down so he's sitting on the bench. “I’m telling you, Brent, he’s way better than that Trisha girl you have.”
Ryan just keeps his gaze down, still holding his little brown, bagged lunch in his lap, his cheeks and neck red from embarrassment as Brendon talks to his friend about what a good little fuck Ryan is, and how tight he is. If possible, Ryan turns an even darker shade of red as Brendon’s hand slides up his leg so it’s resting dangerously close to him on his inner thigh, while Brendon continues on talking as if nothing is happening. Ryan squeaks as soon as Brendon starts to unzip his pants, fingers applying pressure to his crotch.
“Shut the fuck up,” Brendon hisses, and Ryan just seals his lips together, his eyes falling shut.
While Brendon continues chatting, he manages to bring a mute Ryan to orgasm, and Ryan is quite proud of himself for going unnoticed.
--
Spencer is watching Ryan angrily from where they’re playing video games in Spencer’s living room on a Saturday night, and for once, Ryan is actually winning the games.
“Will you stop staring at me and actually try playing the game for once?” Ryan asks, his eyes not even moving from the screen.
“Will you stop ignoring me and actually try answering my questions for once?” Spencer retorts, throwing his controller onto the floor. “You’re my fucking best friend, and you won’t explain to me why Brendon fucking Urie is dragging you everywhere, and why you have all of these bruises, and why you’re just not Ryan! You kiss me and then you tell me not to worry, and then that we just can’t be together. I can’t handle this anymore, Ry!”
Ryan just stares at a picture of a three year old Spencer hanging on the wall, licking his lips as he listens to Spencer rant on and on. “I just can’t tell you, okay?”
“Then I just can’t deal with being around you. Just… get out.”
He looks up at Spencer, his eyes slightly wide as he sees the angry but sad look on Spencer’s face, his friend pointing towards the door. “Spencer-“
“Don’t, Ryan. Just… go away. Leave me alone and stop breaking my heart,” Spencer looks away from Ryan, trying not to cry.
Ryan doesn’t understand why Spencer’s doing this, and he slowly stands up, not sure of what to do. In the time they’ve been friends, Spencer’s never kicked him out. He’s never been angry with him, or sad, or… in love with him. “Spencer… Spencer, I’m sorry.” He sits down beside Spencer on the couch, his long, skinny arms wrapping around his warm friend, pulling him close. Spencer just buries his face in Ryan’s neck, crying and whispering out ‘I love you’ whenever he has enough air to speak.
He just strokes Spencer’s back soothingly, breathing in his sweet scent. Ryan loves Spencer too, but he’s not sure if it’s that love. He’s always loved Spencer, as a friend, as a brother, and maybe sometimes as a lover. But… Ryan…. Ryan just doesn’t know. He wants so badly to love someone who loves him back, and Spencer could do that for him.
But maybe… maybe Ryan wants Brendon to do that for him instead.
--
“Call me when you get home, alright?” Spencer smiles at Ryan and kisses his lips affectionately, taking a step away from their hug.
Ryan nods and he smiles back at Spencer, waving his hand somewhat shyly. “I will, don’t worry. Bye, Spin.” He watches Spencer walk away, standing there and grinning like an idiot every time Spencer glances over his shoulder at him. Soon though, he knows he has to move, and he does, walking off of the school campus and towards his neighborhood. He’s clutching his books tightly to his chest, his head down, and he’s muttering under his breath, practically praying.
“Get the fuck in. How stupid are you? God. How hard is it to remember to come to the parking lot after school?” Brendon’s voice calls out to him, and Ryan looks up to see the car along the curb, an unhappy Brendon in the driver’s seat.
He shrugs, wetting his lips with his tongue, not sure what to do. He can’t do this. He can’t continue doing this, with Brendon always making him feel whole and loved even when he isn’t doing that. “I have to go home…”
Brendon rolls his eyes, opening the passenger door. “Get in, stupid. We don’t even have to go to my house. I’ll just fuck you in the back seat.”
Ryan turns to face the car, keeping his eyes down on the concrete. His heart’s beating fast against his chest, and Ryan really just wants to clap a hand over it, forcing it to stop. It’s annoying, hearing the beats in his ears, loud and obnoxious, while his heart feels as if it’s trying to force its way through his skin. “I can’t. I don’t want to.”
“What the fuck do you mean you don’t want to? Now get in already.”
He shakes his head and starts walking again, and Ryan isn’t really surprised when he hears footsteps behind him, and then a strong hand around his flimsy wrist. Brendon forces Ryan to face him, and he winces slightly, not prepared for that strong glare from the warm, chocolate eyes that bore into his honey ones.
“I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to. You hurt me,” Ryan whispers, tilting his head down. He feels Brendon’s grip loosen around his wrist, and soon, there’s a gentle hand on his chin, lifting his head up. He meets Brendon’s gaze nervously, somewhat shocked to see the soft look in his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Brendon says, and his voice is filled with sincerity and worry and care and everything Ryan’s always dreamed of in Brendon’s voice. “I didn’t know I was hurting you.”
Ryan blinks once, then twice, and on the third blink, Brendon was kissing him tenderly, his calloused fingers gently caressing the current bruise on his left cheekbone. He just stands there until Brendon’s arm wraps around his waist and pulls him closer, and Ryan places his hands timidly on Brendon’s shoulders, melting into the kiss. Ryan isn’t sure how much longer they stood there, but soon, Brendon is pulling away from him, lovingly pushing hair away from his face, so Ryan’s vision is clear.
“I’m so sorry, Ryan. I didn’t know you felt that way,” Brendon tells him in a hushed tone, and he pulls Ryan even closer to his body, enveloping Ryan in a hug. “You should’ve told me. I’m a horrible boyfriend.”
Ryan’s… shocked. He’s shocked. Brendon, whose been saying Ryan’s his cute little pet for the past months, is suddenly calling him is boyfriend? Ryan rests his forehead on Brendon’s shoulder, shutting his eyes and trying to think of what to do. He can’t have two boyfriends, he can’t. He doesn’t even know if Brendon’s telling the truth.
Brendon’s walking now, carrying Ryan bridal style towards his car, fully prepared to just drop Ryan into the passenger seat. Ryan snaps out of his daze, shaking is head and looking up at Brendon. “Put me down, please. Please.” Ryan’s practically begging, and Brendon gently sets Ryan down on his feet. Ryan looks around, and sees that his backpack and books are where they had been standing, and he practically runs to collect them.
Ryan knows Brendon’s right behind him again, and when he turns, he isn’t surprised to see him standing there, hands on his hips. Ryan wets his lips nervously, immediately casting his gaze down, because Brendon has told him that he didn’t deserve to make eye contact with him, that he wasn’t good enough. “I… I already have a boyfriend,” he mumbles out, and he doubts that Brendon can hear it.
And he's right. “Wait… what? Speak up, you’re mumbling. You know how much I hate mumbling,” Brendon says, a frown pulling at his large lips.
“Spencer. Spencer’s my boyfriend,” Ryan states firmly, clearly, and he still doesn’t look up. Ryan anticipates the blow, and isn’t too surprised when he’s knocked to the ground, Brendon standing over him. Ryan clutches his nose where Brendon had hit him, feeling the blood seeping through the space between his long, bony fingers.
Brendon doesn’t hold back much strength when he kicks at Ryan’s midsection, parting his lips slightly to spit on the bloody, teary mess of a boy below him. “You fucking slut. You just can’t keep your ass to yourself, can you?”
Ryan says nothing, just takes each insult, each hit as Brendon grabs his shirt, lifting him up and throwing him back down. He hears a nasty crack as his right leg lands beneath his body at an awkward angle, and he can’t stop himself from crying out in pain, his blunt fingernails dragging against the rough concrete. There’s one last kick, to his head this time, and his vision starts to get blurry. Ryan sees red and then black, and out of the corner of his eye he can see Brendon sneering at him and walking back to his car, as if nothing had happened. Ryan just shuts his eyes, crying as he feels himself losing consciousness, feels the blood rolling down the side of his face.
And Ryan kind of gets the feeling that Brendon was lying when he apologized, that he really didn’t care what happened to Ryan as long as he got off.