(no subject)
So I forgot about my step-sister's birthday. So I am going to go out and get her a card, I don't know what to get her, and I also have no money. so yea. Meh. .
Speaking of birthday's mine is coming up soon. Not looking forward to it. It's not as much fun as it used to be. . . .:/ I don't want anything, well, for myself anyway. I just want/need money so we can pay these god damn bills. ::sigh:: it's so stressful. I don't know what to do. We owe $400 to the apt for rent, and they are saying we didn't pay them for AUM WHICH WE DID! Fuckers! I really hate this place. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to be able to have a life, but right now I have enough life to get me by and not make me go insane. . . yet.
I'm just lost. Just when I think things are looking up, *BAM* I get hit again. I really do not know what is wrong with me. Im just not. . happy. I hate the way I feel, I hate the way I see things. . .I'm just stuck. In a rut. I have to grow up and realize that I cannot have the childhood that I never had. I won't be able to go out and party, get drunk, stoned, whatever. I have lost that time. I am a parent now. I need to take responsibility. I can't dwell on the past. It is effecting the way I take care of zach. I just don't want to do anything, and I feel bad. Maybe I do have PPD? I really don't know. I won't be able to find out because my insurance is up on my birthday and I can't get an appt in before that. Which reminds me I need to cancel my OB/GYN appt in nov. I won't have insurance then either.
I really want to look at the bright side of things, but right now it's really hard. Dealing with a lot of different things. Trust issues, self-esteem issues, money issues. . . I'm just sick of it all.
Who am I?
Speaking of birthday's mine is coming up soon. Not looking forward to it. It's not as much fun as it used to be. . . .:/ I don't want anything, well, for myself anyway. I just want/need money so we can pay these god damn bills. ::sigh:: it's so stressful. I don't know what to do. We owe $400 to the apt for rent, and they are saying we didn't pay them for AUM WHICH WE DID! Fuckers! I really hate this place. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to be able to have a life, but right now I have enough life to get me by and not make me go insane. . . yet.
I'm just lost. Just when I think things are looking up, *BAM* I get hit again. I really do not know what is wrong with me. Im just not. . happy. I hate the way I feel, I hate the way I see things. . .I'm just stuck. In a rut. I have to grow up and realize that I cannot have the childhood that I never had. I won't be able to go out and party, get drunk, stoned, whatever. I have lost that time. I am a parent now. I need to take responsibility. I can't dwell on the past. It is effecting the way I take care of zach. I just don't want to do anything, and I feel bad. Maybe I do have PPD? I really don't know. I won't be able to find out because my insurance is up on my birthday and I can't get an appt in before that. Which reminds me I need to cancel my OB/GYN appt in nov. I won't have insurance then either.
I really want to look at the bright side of things, but right now it's really hard. Dealing with a lot of different things. Trust issues, self-esteem issues, money issues. . . I'm just sick of it all.
Who am I?