(no subject)
today i finished reading this book called 'a great and terrible beauty'. it was fascinating. it had to do with supernatural powers and all but it taught me a lot about something that i am not usually well acquainted with: FORGIVENESS.
i hate so many people. but what for? they obviously don't matter. i don't care if they live or die, as long as they stay away from me. so there's no reason to hate them anymore.
this applies to some more than others. and i can't even explain how much i hate these people. but why do i even hate them? it's not healthy for me to be like this. i am getting tired of holding grudges. i mean these people did stuff to me so long ago and i barely, if at all, see them. and when i do, they don't talk to me, they don't acknowledge me... i guess i am scared of what they could do to the rest of me, particularly michael. because the person i hate the most was a part of his life.
but i realized that i shouldn't even care anymore. i've made choices in my life that i wish i didn't and that probably made michael sad too. but the difference is that he forgives all of that and he's moved on. it's not that i don't forgive michael; i don't forgive those people who were once associated with him for using him, hurting him, making him do things that he shouldn't have done. but it's none of my business. that was before me. so what's important is now, and he loves me so much, and everything that happened before me doesn't even apply to our lives anymore.
i guess our pasts shaped us, and as much as i hate certain people, especially those associated with his past, i think i'm ready to let go. i am tired of hating, of reminding myself of all the things i hate, of reminding myself of all the things michael's done and the people michael's known because none of it matters.
i don't hate those people anymore. i realized i'm better off this way, and that hating them is making me as shitty they are. it's not even worth it.
so if i've ever had shit with you, if we've ever fought, or if you know someone that has had shit with me/fought with me, i do forgive these people for what they've done, for everything i dislike, because you're not worth my time, my energy, my anything.
have a nice life. seriously.
i hate so many people. but what for? they obviously don't matter. i don't care if they live or die, as long as they stay away from me. so there's no reason to hate them anymore.
this applies to some more than others. and i can't even explain how much i hate these people. but why do i even hate them? it's not healthy for me to be like this. i am getting tired of holding grudges. i mean these people did stuff to me so long ago and i barely, if at all, see them. and when i do, they don't talk to me, they don't acknowledge me... i guess i am scared of what they could do to the rest of me, particularly michael. because the person i hate the most was a part of his life.
but i realized that i shouldn't even care anymore. i've made choices in my life that i wish i didn't and that probably made michael sad too. but the difference is that he forgives all of that and he's moved on. it's not that i don't forgive michael; i don't forgive those people who were once associated with him for using him, hurting him, making him do things that he shouldn't have done. but it's none of my business. that was before me. so what's important is now, and he loves me so much, and everything that happened before me doesn't even apply to our lives anymore.
i guess our pasts shaped us, and as much as i hate certain people, especially those associated with his past, i think i'm ready to let go. i am tired of hating, of reminding myself of all the things i hate, of reminding myself of all the things michael's done and the people michael's known because none of it matters.
i don't hate those people anymore. i realized i'm better off this way, and that hating them is making me as shitty they are. it's not even worth it.
so if i've ever had shit with you, if we've ever fought, or if you know someone that has had shit with me/fought with me, i do forgive these people for what they've done, for everything i dislike, because you're not worth my time, my energy, my anything.
have a nice life. seriously.