When life is like a stop sign
So, I went to an audition today, for the musical Ragtime. I believed that I wasn't as prepared as the other people that were auditioning because I recieved my music pretty late, and after school, many people were staying to practice...but not I. I was too scared to go. Yup, I was actually fearful, insecure and self-critical/judgemental. But, I scarcely managed to overcome it by taking a less potentially perilous route.
Anyways, basically over the weekend, I worked on trying to perfect and own two songs from Ragtime - Gliding & Make Them Hear You - while managing homework and other social activities. First, I must say that I am quite proud of myself, I made it to the auditions, at this point, regardless of how well I did, and I managed to stay on top of my school work (no matter how late I chose to do it). ; )
Well, I must say that when preparing myself for auditions, I tend to be quite a bit different...I am more calm on the exterior, yet within me, there's so many internal conflicts that simply gnaw away at my concious that I become pretty much instable. Yet, I say to myself that I love auditioning. Yes, I say I love audiitoning, I love the opportunity and experience - I genuinely do - but I still know that behind all that...its the part of me that feeds off of having to entertain. At auditions, like I do with many of my friends, its another chance for me to entertain..and I love being an entertainer. So, thats the indirect connection to why I love auditions. Lol
Well, after saying that...I will briefly narrate my journey to the Ragtime audition
Thursday - I recieve music.
I meet and chat once again with my chorus teachers from 9th grade who I am afraid of because they remember me as the shy, non-outgoing boy who never really made friends in chorus, and lip sang all the songs. But, of course, we all know that Brandon is outgoing, outrageous, outspoken, more mature (if that's what you call it...), and basically, I have learned to be ME. lol. Well, I allow myself to communicate better with adults, so I didn't have a problem showing off the new me, and they could tell. However, I was terrified of the children...what they would think, so I didn't go after school to practice. ALl in all, I learned an important self-confidence lesson from this, and I grew from it. (I was even secure with myseld when I finally did confront them).
Friday - I practice the music...my voice wasn't too good in a low range because I always use my falsetto. It sounds good, and I love it. Well, I taught myself to sing in a low voice, and it started out rough.
Saturday - I volunteered, tried some homework..and played around with the songs. They were certainly sounding better.
Sunday - I worked, did lots of homework, and definitely learned both songs by now...with my low voice sounding nice.
Monday - I did MORE homework, I went to a party...and I was surprised that after all that hard work, I actually was sounds really good. My friends were saying that I sounded good too
Tuesday - The day of torturous hell..homework, audition day....and omg! lol. Its the equivalent of all me put in a blender on high speed, and not being able to stop. It was horrendous.
Well, I'm here now. I'm unstable...and dealing with it. My mother and I are not getting along. She didn't ask me anything about my audition...and that hurt me.
Oh well. I will find a way to become emotionally balanced again, gain strength and perserverance from this experience, await the outcome of my performance...and keep living on.
When life hits you hard, you gotta pick yourself up off the ground, and I am steadily kneeling...by tomorrow, with a good night's rest; I affirm that I will be standing on my own two feet.
Goodnight...Impossible is nothing
Anyways, basically over the weekend, I worked on trying to perfect and own two songs from Ragtime - Gliding & Make Them Hear You - while managing homework and other social activities. First, I must say that I am quite proud of myself, I made it to the auditions, at this point, regardless of how well I did, and I managed to stay on top of my school work (no matter how late I chose to do it). ; )
Well, I must say that when preparing myself for auditions, I tend to be quite a bit different...I am more calm on the exterior, yet within me, there's so many internal conflicts that simply gnaw away at my concious that I become pretty much instable. Yet, I say to myself that I love auditioning. Yes, I say I love audiitoning, I love the opportunity and experience - I genuinely do - but I still know that behind all that...its the part of me that feeds off of having to entertain. At auditions, like I do with many of my friends, its another chance for me to entertain..and I love being an entertainer. So, thats the indirect connection to why I love auditions. Lol
Well, after saying that...I will briefly narrate my journey to the Ragtime audition
Thursday - I recieve music.
I meet and chat once again with my chorus teachers from 9th grade who I am afraid of because they remember me as the shy, non-outgoing boy who never really made friends in chorus, and lip sang all the songs. But, of course, we all know that Brandon is outgoing, outrageous, outspoken, more mature (if that's what you call it...), and basically, I have learned to be ME. lol. Well, I allow myself to communicate better with adults, so I didn't have a problem showing off the new me, and they could tell. However, I was terrified of the children...what they would think, so I didn't go after school to practice. ALl in all, I learned an important self-confidence lesson from this, and I grew from it. (I was even secure with myseld when I finally did confront them).
Friday - I practice the music...my voice wasn't too good in a low range because I always use my falsetto. It sounds good, and I love it. Well, I taught myself to sing in a low voice, and it started out rough.
Saturday - I volunteered, tried some homework..and played around with the songs. They were certainly sounding better.
Sunday - I worked, did lots of homework, and definitely learned both songs by now...with my low voice sounding nice.
Monday - I did MORE homework, I went to a party...and I was surprised that after all that hard work, I actually was sounds really good. My friends were saying that I sounded good too
Tuesday - The day of torturous hell..homework, audition day....and omg! lol. Its the equivalent of all me put in a blender on high speed, and not being able to stop. It was horrendous.
Well, I'm here now. I'm unstable...and dealing with it. My mother and I are not getting along. She didn't ask me anything about my audition...and that hurt me.
Oh well. I will find a way to become emotionally balanced again, gain strength and perserverance from this experience, await the outcome of my performance...and keep living on.
When life hits you hard, you gotta pick yourself up off the ground, and I am steadily kneeling...by tomorrow, with a good night's rest; I affirm that I will be standing on my own two feet.
Goodnight...Impossible is nothing