Look right through me.
It's just another rant...feel free to skip...
Okay, so he turned out to be an insensitive jerk even moreso than most of my friends told me to make me feel better. I couldn't bring myself to accept it before tonight. And yes, to be honest, I am quite surprised - he put on such a good show of sincerity! But he is already looking for a new relationship and is searching for "a curious intellectual who is happy with life and outgoing." Basically during our breakup he said I wasn't happy or interested in intellectual conversation enough. It's a bit of a slap in the face; apparently he feels like I was just some sort of mistake. I wish he hadn't lied and instead of telling me he adored me, he had let me know I might just be practice for his next, perfect fairytale girlfriend. Because relationships don't take work, of course, and people don't grow at 19.
I'm hurt that he feels ready to find someone new, when my heart is still broken. I thought he must have been at least a little torn up because he cared about me ohsomuch. I'm trying to see this as closure by recognizing that he was a player and that I deserve better. And if it was all just a lie, at least it obviously wasn't as wonderful as I thought it was and I can find something way better than that. Maybe? I'm only 19...there simply must be someone better out there...
It was so difficult when I found this out not to message him and ask what the fuck is and was going through his head. I guess, in the end, I know the answer and it appalls me, but letting him know how much I still care would be a power-trip that he doesn't deserve. I feel used. I wish it were as easy for me to move on. But I sincerely did care and did commit myself emotionally to the relationship like he claimed to. I actually have a heart. I'm not some sort of unfeeling prick like he is.
Okay, so he turned out to be an insensitive jerk even moreso than most of my friends told me to make me feel better. I couldn't bring myself to accept it before tonight. And yes, to be honest, I am quite surprised - he put on such a good show of sincerity! But he is already looking for a new relationship and is searching for "a curious intellectual who is happy with life and outgoing." Basically during our breakup he said I wasn't happy or interested in intellectual conversation enough. It's a bit of a slap in the face; apparently he feels like I was just some sort of mistake. I wish he hadn't lied and instead of telling me he adored me, he had let me know I might just be practice for his next, perfect fairytale girlfriend. Because relationships don't take work, of course, and people don't grow at 19.
I'm hurt that he feels ready to find someone new, when my heart is still broken. I thought he must have been at least a little torn up because he cared about me ohsomuch. I'm trying to see this as closure by recognizing that he was a player and that I deserve better. And if it was all just a lie, at least it obviously wasn't as wonderful as I thought it was and I can find something way better than that. Maybe? I'm only 19...there simply must be someone better out there...
It was so difficult when I found this out not to message him and ask what the fuck is and was going through his head. I guess, in the end, I know the answer and it appalls me, but letting him know how much I still care would be a power-trip that he doesn't deserve. I feel used. I wish it were as easy for me to move on. But I sincerely did care and did commit myself emotionally to the relationship like he claimed to. I actually have a heart. I'm not some sort of unfeeling prick like he is.