surrending positions
steph just updated and said that her bff's arent updating regularly. so, i thought i would satisfy her lj creeping. even though everything i have to say is old news to her since i talk to the babe every day hahaha. <3
well
i am completely stressed the fuck out. panic attacks. sleep deprivation. overworked. overwhelmed. this is my life. this will continute to be my life until march 2008. i want to sleep. i want to exercise regularly. i want to eat like i used to with control. ive been stress binging and not supplementing this with formal exercise. after this weekend, this will change. i have to make sure of it because its added stress for sure. and by binge eating i just mean, for example today i ate:
2 slices of 18 grain organic bread toasted with about 1 tablespoon of natural peanut butter (ingredients: peanuts. thats it) and some organic no-sugar-added jam
coffee. triple strength.
a grilled chiken sandwich from the vegan lunch truck
an apple
steamed cauliflower and my mom's stuffed peppers with cabbage.
this sounds really good. but then i ate:
soy ice cream + peppermint chocolate soymilk
a cupcake
guh. and i skipped yoga because im on 4 hours of sleep right now. but i am going tomorrow morning.
i really really hate school. i hate my senior design project aside from the fact that it has the potential of being a cash cow and there is now currently a capital investor involved. i hate my group. not all of them. just most of them. i dont know why i thought it was a good idea to be on the same team as another girl because she is a mega bitch. i really hate talking about this because it bothers me that much. so next subject
steph i dont know why im updating. i have nothing positive to say about my life right now
i havent had a spare moment to myself in the last 3 weeks. i have been trying to get out downtown to shop for some business casual clothes, which i need for tuesday by the way and i literally havent had a spare minute. this past weekend i couldnt go out. i had to stay in and write two papers. sunday dinner my brother came over. we're eating dinner and all of a sudden, with food in my mouth, i lose my appetite. put my fork down and start crying. it was awful. also today i was in a senior design meeting and this kid comes up and starts talking to my other team members and im looking at him and his name sounds so familiar and he looks so familiar, and im still looking at him and i couldnt figure out where i knew him from. about a minute later he sees me and is like "elli?? how aree you!!" and i honestly felt like an idiot so i was like "uhh, i dont mean to sound like a dick, but i know i know you, but where do i know you from?" and hes like "uhhh....we used to work together??? at goe" FUCK. i was working there up until about 3 months ago. honestly, how do you forget somebody that you used to talk to on a regular basis??? this is just an example of where my mind has been and how completely disoriented my brain has been
----
i just drank som kava tea and im feeeeling goooood hahaha.
uh today i was in whole foods. i was dressed real cute. but i have stress pimples. 3 different cute and non-cute dudes said helllo to me and one started straight up trying to converrrsee with me haha. it was a nice way to get me out of a pissed mood
also
i have a crush on a "normie" hahah. its this kid in one of my info classes. he has like the biggest hardon for me ever. always looking back at me in class to check up on me and see what im doing and when i catch him creeping he always smiles. and hes alwaaays tryna talk to me. and the best part is, he has some legitimately good things to say. he's knowledgeable about politics and worldy affairs and american economics which is like boner material for me, holy shit. the other day he was walking me out of class and we bumped into my favorite professor in the hall and i started to talk to the professor and he just waited there for me and continued to walk me out. so cute. and also the other day i went to sit behind him and he goes "why are you sitting there?" and i go "because its by the window" and he says "uh huhh...(HUGE PAUSE) you know you just wanted to watch me play solitare on my computer" i totally thought he was gonna blow up my spot because im pretty sure he knows that i know and that he knows that its mutual hahaha. its pretty sad that going to class is literally the highlight of my week. IS THAT BOGUS OR WHAT?? jeez
couple of things outside of school i want to get accomplished:
get a suscription to The Economist
get a suscription to a veggie magazine. I'm thinking VegTimes or something like it?
Look into getting a new desktop for my parents house and a new laptop for me.
apply to: microsoft and google. both in seattle
buy some business casual clothes
TAKE A MENTAL BREAK.
im gonna go shower and go to sleep. 9 hours of sleep tonight. GET INTO ITTTT
tomorrow is going to be sooo good. favorite human beings. good food. good hangage. well needed. cant wait to see you. <3
well
i am completely stressed the fuck out. panic attacks. sleep deprivation. overworked. overwhelmed. this is my life. this will continute to be my life until march 2008. i want to sleep. i want to exercise regularly. i want to eat like i used to with control. ive been stress binging and not supplementing this with formal exercise. after this weekend, this will change. i have to make sure of it because its added stress for sure. and by binge eating i just mean, for example today i ate:
2 slices of 18 grain organic bread toasted with about 1 tablespoon of natural peanut butter (ingredients: peanuts. thats it) and some organic no-sugar-added jam
coffee. triple strength.
a grilled chiken sandwich from the vegan lunch truck
an apple
steamed cauliflower and my mom's stuffed peppers with cabbage.
this sounds really good. but then i ate:
soy ice cream + peppermint chocolate soymilk
a cupcake
guh. and i skipped yoga because im on 4 hours of sleep right now. but i am going tomorrow morning.
i really really hate school. i hate my senior design project aside from the fact that it has the potential of being a cash cow and there is now currently a capital investor involved. i hate my group. not all of them. just most of them. i dont know why i thought it was a good idea to be on the same team as another girl because she is a mega bitch. i really hate talking about this because it bothers me that much. so next subject
steph i dont know why im updating. i have nothing positive to say about my life right now
i havent had a spare moment to myself in the last 3 weeks. i have been trying to get out downtown to shop for some business casual clothes, which i need for tuesday by the way and i literally havent had a spare minute. this past weekend i couldnt go out. i had to stay in and write two papers. sunday dinner my brother came over. we're eating dinner and all of a sudden, with food in my mouth, i lose my appetite. put my fork down and start crying. it was awful. also today i was in a senior design meeting and this kid comes up and starts talking to my other team members and im looking at him and his name sounds so familiar and he looks so familiar, and im still looking at him and i couldnt figure out where i knew him from. about a minute later he sees me and is like "elli?? how aree you!!" and i honestly felt like an idiot so i was like "uhh, i dont mean to sound like a dick, but i know i know you, but where do i know you from?" and hes like "uhhh....we used to work together??? at goe" FUCK. i was working there up until about 3 months ago. honestly, how do you forget somebody that you used to talk to on a regular basis??? this is just an example of where my mind has been and how completely disoriented my brain has been
----
i just drank som kava tea and im feeeeling goooood hahaha.
uh today i was in whole foods. i was dressed real cute. but i have stress pimples. 3 different cute and non-cute dudes said helllo to me and one started straight up trying to converrrsee with me haha. it was a nice way to get me out of a pissed mood
also
i have a crush on a "normie" hahah. its this kid in one of my info classes. he has like the biggest hardon for me ever. always looking back at me in class to check up on me and see what im doing and when i catch him creeping he always smiles. and hes alwaaays tryna talk to me. and the best part is, he has some legitimately good things to say. he's knowledgeable about politics and worldy affairs and american economics which is like boner material for me, holy shit. the other day he was walking me out of class and we bumped into my favorite professor in the hall and i started to talk to the professor and he just waited there for me and continued to walk me out. so cute. and also the other day i went to sit behind him and he goes "why are you sitting there?" and i go "because its by the window" and he says "uh huhh...(HUGE PAUSE) you know you just wanted to watch me play solitare on my computer" i totally thought he was gonna blow up my spot because im pretty sure he knows that i know and that he knows that its mutual hahaha. its pretty sad that going to class is literally the highlight of my week. IS THAT BOGUS OR WHAT?? jeez
couple of things outside of school i want to get accomplished:
get a suscription to The Economist
get a suscription to a veggie magazine. I'm thinking VegTimes or something like it?
Look into getting a new desktop for my parents house and a new laptop for me.
apply to: microsoft and google. both in seattle
buy some business casual clothes
TAKE A MENTAL BREAK.
im gonna go shower and go to sleep. 9 hours of sleep tonight. GET INTO ITTTT
tomorrow is going to be sooo good. favorite human beings. good food. good hangage. well needed. cant wait to see you. <3