Aug 13, 2004 20:48
omg today was the worst day of my life.. i dont even know how to put it into words it was soo bad.... my life is slowly falling apart... i guess you never really know the benifit of things untill you loose them.. and im loosing things one by one very slowly.. me and jackie got in a very large fight.. for a very large stupid reason.. and i dont know if she will ever forgive me for my words were so harsh and mean.. i know i will never forgive myself for such a thing i did to her... and you have no idea how much she means to me... jaclyn sue schwanz if your reading this at the very moment im so sorry... and i want to forget about the cruel things i said and what you said to me.. please forgive me.. im not the same without you..
jackie probably hates me forever.. ive caused her so much pain.. what kind of friend does that? i disgust myself.. my head is pounding and my stomach is going crazy.. i could jsut curl up in a ball and die right now... all i can think about right know is everything thats going wrong in my life.. first my parents filing for divorce.. now jackie hating me? what next? im so afraid now. perhaps i will never leave the house again... perhaps i was never ment to be jackies friend.. were we supposed to break our friendship? im beginning to wonder if i deserve someone like jaclyn... maybe not.. i dont know what to do.. im so confused and hurt.. i dont know who to talk to.. what to say.. what to do.. im so sick to my stomach i could just puke my brains out.. what if jackie never wants to be my friend again? what would i do? what do i do now? who do i turn to? where are all the answers to my questions? why is this happening to me?
i hate my life.