(no subject)
so i just had a mental breakdown. one where you cry so hard you dont think you are ever going to ever stop. and once you do your head feels like its going to explode. my life has been going in circles the past like year. finally get my car all set, and it breaks, have to spend more money on it, and have it break again. never able to save money for a new car, so i keep driving a shitty car that will break in a few more weeks. and my hours suck, i work like 30 hours and go to 8 hours a week... so i have no money and i get paid every two weeks. and any time i want to get another job i get more hours or a promotion so i dont leave. and my credit sucks, and i cant get a cell phone. so no new car for me, and no cell phone to call anyone on when my car breaks down. and I dont care what you have to tell me about working harder or trying to save. cause you really dont know how hard i work to make my life a little better. i willing work 12 hours shift, break my back trying to get as much work as i can in one shift to prove how badly i want the hours and for what. it's not doing me any good. I want this more than you know and i can not get my hands on it. clearly i am not good enough for a happy life. and for all my hard work i have nothing to show for it! nothing at all.. a shitty car, the same few outfits i wear over and over again. and i live in the middle of my house, without a door or anything of that sort. I cant even get away from anything cause I am stuck in the middle of the house. it's late, this is nosense. and I am stuck in a rut. all i want to do is go to school, and make myself a good life.... but the CIRCLE WILL NEVER EVER END. two jobs equals a stupid nervous breakdown.