you make me wanna la la
Being at home makes me freak out… I don't know why but it all falls apart.
I think it's mostly because it's the two lives merging and that's too tough. If only I could just have one life…
I freak out over being told what to do, and not having space, and the thought that I have to go back to dealing with everything once I get back to school. I freak out about money, and classes, and relationships.
Especially relationships. I can't quite handle the idea of people maybe not wanting me when I come back, that I won't be interesting to them anymore. And it makes me crazy, because there's nothing I can do about any of it. Nothing.
Then there's the whole, my family makes me feel kind of crappy sometimes thing. My sister tears me down a bit, even though she doesn't mean to, she's just a little insensitive sometimes. It's like it should be ok for her to say anything she wants to, when it's really not. I'm a sensitive gal. everyone knows that
I think they'd know that by now. I mean, if my sister's not bad enough in her way, my father is just out and out insulting. He says awful things about my life, and me and the way I think and all of that. He makes me say mean things too in a way, because I start to resent everything he is. And he nitpicks about everything. He actually called me into the bathroom today because I'd put the soap and shampoo in the wrong place. He calls me thoughtless and selfish, when he only probably says that because I inconvenience him. He yelled at me the first day I was here because I was brushing my teeth in "his" bathroom. My family is really wacky, and that means taking the good with the bad. And the bad is kind of overwhelming at the moment.
I wish I could fight with my dad, but I'm not going to be able to. He'd never let me win. That's a huge problem; no one here lets me win. They argue me to death. If I disagree they never just let it go, they act like they're seven I've actually heard the word yes'huh here. I want to go home! I don't have anywhere to go to be myself. I miss grocery shopping, and doing dishes when I want to, and hanging out with my friends, and being an adult in general!
oh well, i love my family, and it'll all turn out fine
I think it's mostly because it's the two lives merging and that's too tough. If only I could just have one life…
I freak out over being told what to do, and not having space, and the thought that I have to go back to dealing with everything once I get back to school. I freak out about money, and classes, and relationships.
Especially relationships. I can't quite handle the idea of people maybe not wanting me when I come back, that I won't be interesting to them anymore. And it makes me crazy, because there's nothing I can do about any of it. Nothing.
Then there's the whole, my family makes me feel kind of crappy sometimes thing. My sister tears me down a bit, even though she doesn't mean to, she's just a little insensitive sometimes. It's like it should be ok for her to say anything she wants to, when it's really not. I'm a sensitive gal. everyone knows that
I think they'd know that by now. I mean, if my sister's not bad enough in her way, my father is just out and out insulting. He says awful things about my life, and me and the way I think and all of that. He makes me say mean things too in a way, because I start to resent everything he is. And he nitpicks about everything. He actually called me into the bathroom today because I'd put the soap and shampoo in the wrong place. He calls me thoughtless and selfish, when he only probably says that because I inconvenience him. He yelled at me the first day I was here because I was brushing my teeth in "his" bathroom. My family is really wacky, and that means taking the good with the bad. And the bad is kind of overwhelming at the moment.
I wish I could fight with my dad, but I'm not going to be able to. He'd never let me win. That's a huge problem; no one here lets me win. They argue me to death. If I disagree they never just let it go, they act like they're seven I've actually heard the word yes'huh here. I want to go home! I don't have anywhere to go to be myself. I miss grocery shopping, and doing dishes when I want to, and hanging out with my friends, and being an adult in general!
oh well, i love my family, and it'll all turn out fine