i just wanted to say.

[xstabmyheart]

its hard to really call you sometimes.
because i know that i want to, but i know that you hate me.
i really cant let anything go, because i am living in my old life
without you by my side.
so im fucking up really bad like ive always done.
and when sorry just isnt enough, i cut you done again.
with big giagantic sharp metal scissors, i cut away your flesh
and then naw on the bones. because i can't get that taste out of my mouth, its sick and it savors for years.
I cant stand that im this way.
i know i through it all the fuck away.
for what good reason?
for no good reason.
i dont deserve anything from anyone.
i dont deserve you
i dont deserve you
how many times do i have to question myself?
walk on eggshells around myself?
i have nothing to be scared of but broken hearts and rose petals.
but i have caused a fucking war.
blood guts eveything that i have built ive torn.
my bridge has crumbled and you stayed on the other side.
but i am building everything by hand and heart
from the bolts to the wires to every splinter in the wood.
i want to spill as much blood as i caused you.
no looking back
no looking back
its almost done.