*...i've got a bad feeling about this...*
i don't know what to think about anything right now. last night i was trying to see if steve liked (loved?) me. and it kinda started out as the joke of "no one loves me" and it turned into so much fucking more. steve, i know you can't read this but oh well here goes:
you are one of the fucking best things that has ever happened to me and i'm so glad that i didn't just let you walk out that day when drew showed up. when i first met you, i could see you as being like my best friend but it turned into so much more. i didn't think i'd ever love you the way i do and i know i haven't even known you for 2 weeks but it feels like i've known you for so long and that i can tell you anything but in reality i can't because i can't even tell you this. and if somehow you read this...it's good. cuz i could never tell this to you myself. and that day..when we were walking on the beach...and you kept trying to tell me something. i knew. and now i wish that you could only know what i am trying to tell you but i just don't know how to even attempt the tell you. god damn. i really wish i could tell you but i can't. i know you don't feel the way about me that i feel about you nor will you ever. and if you love lauren, hold onto that. she loves you kid. i'm sure a lot of people love you. and not just cuz they want in your pants. you mean a lot to me and i dunno what i'd do if i ever lost you. a long time ago (after the whole kevin thing) i promised myself i'd never EVER love anyone again. but i do love you. damnit. love does suck. especially when it starts at the beach.
lauren you didn't ruin anything. i think steve only sees me as a friend (like i saw him as only a friend in the beginning). and steve is better than zacK. trust me. if you really feel that way about him, go for it. i'm so used to other people getting the guys that i want, but at least this time the person that really deserves his gets him.
now neil is gonna come over to my house...(oddly?) and i think i am out of things to say..but if i find something else...i'll say it.
<3
the ever confused
selina*
you are one of the fucking best things that has ever happened to me and i'm so glad that i didn't just let you walk out that day when drew showed up. when i first met you, i could see you as being like my best friend but it turned into so much more. i didn't think i'd ever love you the way i do and i know i haven't even known you for 2 weeks but it feels like i've known you for so long and that i can tell you anything but in reality i can't because i can't even tell you this. and if somehow you read this...it's good. cuz i could never tell this to you myself. and that day..when we were walking on the beach...and you kept trying to tell me something. i knew. and now i wish that you could only know what i am trying to tell you but i just don't know how to even attempt the tell you. god damn. i really wish i could tell you but i can't. i know you don't feel the way about me that i feel about you nor will you ever. and if you love lauren, hold onto that. she loves you kid. i'm sure a lot of people love you. and not just cuz they want in your pants. you mean a lot to me and i dunno what i'd do if i ever lost you. a long time ago (after the whole kevin thing) i promised myself i'd never EVER love anyone again. but i do love you. damnit. love does suck. especially when it starts at the beach.
lauren you didn't ruin anything. i think steve only sees me as a friend (like i saw him as only a friend in the beginning). and steve is better than zacK. trust me. if you really feel that way about him, go for it. i'm so used to other people getting the guys that i want, but at least this time the person that really deserves his gets him.
now neil is gonna come over to my house...(oddly?) and i think i am out of things to say..but if i find something else...i'll say it.
<3
the ever confused
selina*