dot dot dot . . .
i admit it. i dislike being dependent.
for shelter, food, &clothes. for money. for rules. i've been wanting to be independent since i was about three years old. maybe before that.
i also dislike being emotionally dependent. i can get very close to someone without becoming dependent. i'm completely fine with doing my own thing, even if no one wants to accompany me. i can make my own decisions. i welcome advice, but in the end, i do what i want to do.
see, being dependent is scary, cos it means that i've gotten attached to a person. &then they can influence me. &they can potentially let me down. i dont really get afraid of that, though. the real fear is that maybe they dont want me to be attached to them. &....... maybe they dont need me back.
ironic it is, because dependent is exactly what i need to be with God. the differences are these: He's supposed to influence me. His is actually the only opinion that matters. He can never let me down. He WANTS me to be attached to Him, because He's attached to me. &the point is that He needs me even less than anyone in this world - He doesnt need me at all - yet He wants me &accepts me &loves me more than anyone in this world can.
so maybe it isn't EXACTLY about doing MY own thing.
i just love God. He makes so much sense when nothing else seems to.
on the flip side - should i be emotionally dependent on other human beings at all? when is it okay? or is it good to be 'independent'? or am i being too proud, or aloof, or reserved.....?
make it a great day - or not.... [you finish this quote]
for shelter, food, &clothes. for money. for rules. i've been wanting to be independent since i was about three years old. maybe before that.
i also dislike being emotionally dependent. i can get very close to someone without becoming dependent. i'm completely fine with doing my own thing, even if no one wants to accompany me. i can make my own decisions. i welcome advice, but in the end, i do what i want to do.
see, being dependent is scary, cos it means that i've gotten attached to a person. &then they can influence me. &they can potentially let me down. i dont really get afraid of that, though. the real fear is that maybe they dont want me to be attached to them. &....... maybe they dont need me back.
ironic it is, because dependent is exactly what i need to be with God. the differences are these: He's supposed to influence me. His is actually the only opinion that matters. He can never let me down. He WANTS me to be attached to Him, because He's attached to me. &the point is that He needs me even less than anyone in this world - He doesnt need me at all - yet He wants me &accepts me &loves me more than anyone in this world can.
so maybe it isn't EXACTLY about doing MY own thing.
i just love God. He makes so much sense when nothing else seems to.
on the flip side - should i be emotionally dependent on other human beings at all? when is it okay? or is it good to be 'independent'? or am i being too proud, or aloof, or reserved.....?
make it a great day - or not.... [you finish this quote]