(no subject)
14 days till my 21st birthday.
Send me alcohol. Or money. Or alcohol wrapped in money.
Moving on.
Shorts [on a girl who isn't overweight] aren't too short unless their labia are visible.
In other news...
Work last night was horrible. I was working with manager Carol (old and senile), Jen (whiny and bitchy, and like Jerry she bitches and whines most about not being able to get her work done on time - when she could be using this time to actually do the work she's whining about), and some girl I don't even know what her name is... (she looks like a cross between a dwarf and a troll. Like 4'8 and 250lbs or something. She's new, so some things are excusable, but she also doesn't seem to have much common sense, possibly has trouble reading, definitely has trouble spelling ["don't no how'], and has some issue where she absolutely insists on repeating the order that's on the screen, annoying the hell out of me because I've got the order right in front of me and don't at all need to be reminded of what I need to make.)
With all that, I decided it's a bad thing to have me working with all girls. They start bickering, I don't want to hear it, and make it well known, but instead of stopping they do it louder, somehow.
We were really busy, pretty much all night. The only reason I managed to get out on time was because I was scheduled to be there till 6a instead of 5a like usual. I was in a very bad mood, until I started ripping on Jen, at which point I was in less of a bad mood.
Now that that's done with...
I just don't know what's going on with Lynn. I haven't seen her since before she got her new job, I've barely talked with her, and even then it was only for like 5 minutes at a time. Like yesterday, she was online, so I got on AIM and said like three things to her, then she signed off without even saying goodbye or anything. It's like the third time. Maybe she really had to go, but she couldn't even type a quick 'bye, I love you' or even just 'gotta go'? Anything. It's just getting hard. Before she started working at McDonalds, I was anxiety free. Then when we were hanging out, I had some anxiety, but I also had hope. Now, I have so much anxiety I can't even bear it sometimes, I don't know what's going on, I don't know if she still likes me, if she ever thinks about me, if she wants to be with me but really is too busy, I just don't know. Am I insecure? Yes, but do I have any reason in my past to allow me to just rely on a relationship 'working out'? No. I've only got sadness, loss. How am I supposed to know how to keep a relationship going if I've never even been in a relationship that went anywhere? I'm just not cut out for this.
Something which seems totally against my favor is insisting on being in a relationship in the first place. What on earth is causing my generation to insist on promiscuity? Where are the girls - and I can only hope that they're out there - that just want to be with one guy? I would die happy to have been with one girl, and stayed with her for the rest of my life. More than that - I would have died happier. But it just seems like I won't have that option. It seems like I'll be forced, one way or another, to put more 'notches on my belt', notches that I don't even want to have. With everyone else acting like this is the norm, maybe there's something wrong with me (something else wrong with me... when I actually thought I'd found something I was doing right.)
Life is too hard. What on earth inspired the cavemen to find ways to stay alive, instead of just bashing themselves in the head over and over again with rocks?
Send me alcohol. Or money. Or alcohol wrapped in money.
Moving on.
Shorts [on a girl who isn't overweight] aren't too short unless their labia are visible.
In other news...
Work last night was horrible. I was working with manager Carol (old and senile), Jen (whiny and bitchy, and like Jerry she bitches and whines most about not being able to get her work done on time - when she could be using this time to actually do the work she's whining about), and some girl I don't even know what her name is... (she looks like a cross between a dwarf and a troll. Like 4'8 and 250lbs or something. She's new, so some things are excusable, but she also doesn't seem to have much common sense, possibly has trouble reading, definitely has trouble spelling ["don't no how'], and has some issue where she absolutely insists on repeating the order that's on the screen, annoying the hell out of me because I've got the order right in front of me and don't at all need to be reminded of what I need to make.)
With all that, I decided it's a bad thing to have me working with all girls. They start bickering, I don't want to hear it, and make it well known, but instead of stopping they do it louder, somehow.
We were really busy, pretty much all night. The only reason I managed to get out on time was because I was scheduled to be there till 6a instead of 5a like usual. I was in a very bad mood, until I started ripping on Jen, at which point I was in less of a bad mood.
Now that that's done with...
I just don't know what's going on with Lynn. I haven't seen her since before she got her new job, I've barely talked with her, and even then it was only for like 5 minutes at a time. Like yesterday, she was online, so I got on AIM and said like three things to her, then she signed off without even saying goodbye or anything. It's like the third time. Maybe she really had to go, but she couldn't even type a quick 'bye, I love you' or even just 'gotta go'? Anything. It's just getting hard. Before she started working at McDonalds, I was anxiety free. Then when we were hanging out, I had some anxiety, but I also had hope. Now, I have so much anxiety I can't even bear it sometimes, I don't know what's going on, I don't know if she still likes me, if she ever thinks about me, if she wants to be with me but really is too busy, I just don't know. Am I insecure? Yes, but do I have any reason in my past to allow me to just rely on a relationship 'working out'? No. I've only got sadness, loss. How am I supposed to know how to keep a relationship going if I've never even been in a relationship that went anywhere? I'm just not cut out for this.
Something which seems totally against my favor is insisting on being in a relationship in the first place. What on earth is causing my generation to insist on promiscuity? Where are the girls - and I can only hope that they're out there - that just want to be with one guy? I would die happy to have been with one girl, and stayed with her for the rest of my life. More than that - I would have died happier. But it just seems like I won't have that option. It seems like I'll be forced, one way or another, to put more 'notches on my belt', notches that I don't even want to have. With everyone else acting like this is the norm, maybe there's something wrong with me (something else wrong with me... when I actually thought I'd found something I was doing right.)
Life is too hard. What on earth inspired the cavemen to find ways to stay alive, instead of just bashing themselves in the head over and over again with rocks?