(no subject)
I just want to feel loved.
even if I'm not. I just want to feel that I am.
I'd rather pretend
I've always liked dreams more than reality.
my heart hurts a little.
my neck hurts a lot.
I wish you were here -- just your touch would make it feel better.
I know it would.
but you're a jerk.
I've lost 10 pounds
I don't sleep.
I rarely shower.
I hate being here.
I hate getting out of bed.
nearly everyone annoys me.
it's not even you.
screw you.
I don't need you.
I just need to be happy.
and I'm not.
I was supposed to get married next month.
I'm glad I'm not.
I'm glad I'm not with that person anymore.
but it hurts
it hurts to think ....
that was the day... the first day of the rest of my life
I've already got rid of that life
found another life
was happy.
loved and felt loved in return
then i turned around
and lost that life too.
and that day still hasn't come.
still hasn't passed.
I get to be alone.
I can't even explain to you...
how bad it hurts inside.
I've been emotionally battered, bruised, used and taken advantage of.
I'm done.
did I mention how lovely it was to save this just so i could be so happy for my birthday.
great.
I get this poem now --- more than ever. I've always loved it -- but it made me cry today.
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
mine;
Plastic Heart
I saw a plastic bag up in the sky. It bothered me because it wasn't windy and I don't remember when plastic learned to fly. I imagine it's plastic soul was thrilled to be so weightless-- floating free above the streets. I stared at it with the deepest envy my body could possibly create. I hope it never has to find it's way back down. It was moving so slowly, elegantly dancing -- taking it's sweet time up there in the sky. Maybe something hurt it's poor little plastic heart. So, it ran away to a safe haven in the sky. It's plastic mind free of worry -- free of sorrow -- free of heartbreak. Just concerned with floating, dancing, flying.