David Levithan
The inhale, the exhale
the watching in the dark.
You can sleep through anything.
expect your parents coming home.
but they are gone for the weekend,
so I am here.
Watching as you sleep
the gentle movements.
the blue room.
you have no idea.
you sleep, I watch.
the afterwards.
we have just been as close as two people can be.
you have said those three words.
and I believed it.
now you are asleep,
and it is dark,
and I am back with myself agin.
you have no idea.
this dark.
it would be so easy to let you take me with you.
that waking dreamland we escape to every now and then.
to be the person you think I am.
that person worthy of your love.
but I'm not.
I do not deserve you.
your breath,
my confession.
I have hurt people.
different people, the same hurt.
I have done things because I wanted to.
for no other reason than wanting to.
I have done things
I have been in that darkness.
you are sleeping with your arm around the pillow
your feet dangling off the bed.
there should only be one of us here.
you have no idea that I will break your heart.
when you break someone's heart,
you also break your own.
whenever I approach the truth,
you back away from it.
you don't want to know.
but you should know.
the more you ove me, the more I will ruin you.
I will take my darkness and I will push it inside of you.
lying awake besdie you,
these thoughts go through my head.
I have done unfogivable things.
(you inhale, you exhale)
I have taken advantage of other people's weaknesses in order to cover my own.
:I have slept with boys even thoguh I knew they would later make me want to die.
I have lied so often that I've lost all track of the truth.
I have stolen people's boyfrineds, because I knew I could.
and then I dumped them like everyone else.
because there was always someone else.
I have never been faithful.
until you.
but I do not know if that can last, if I can overcome who I am.
you open your arms to me and I want to tell you not to.
do not expose yourself to me.
the last boy who did that ended up shattered.
he could not stop asking me why?
he told me he loved me and I slapped him.
he thought I was playing, but I wasn't.
I am that damaged.
you sleep so innocently, and I watch to guiltily.
I didn't think it would come to this.
you kissed me at a party.
we both wanted to.
we hooked up--something that sounds like two metal pieces fastening together.
one holding the other, although it's often hard to tell which is which.
I liked your eyes and I could tell you liked me body.
I was fine with that, because it was not supposed to lead to this.
because I do care,
enough that I should leave you.
I am not capable of soemthng you are capable of.
that is, love.
I have the capacity for attraction.
even for admiration.
you deserve someone who will turn her world for you.
some who will give you sweetness.
I am unkind.
I am that kind.
you say you do not see it.
you say I am too hard on myself.
but I have lived with myself for too many years.
I know exactly how hard I am.
you will argue with me.
(not now, you are sleep)
you will rip yourself to shreds to prove that I am worth loving
you will not hear the chorus of everyone I've let down.
they sing from inside me,
sing form the darkness.
you do not know them.
they are from another town, another time.
but fomr the same person who now lies here next to you,
you can run her hand over your shoulder and make you shiver.
pull up the sheet,
inhale, exhale.
you are so beautiful.
this light.
the night I gave up on my self was not long ago.
right before I met you.
you must have heard,
you must have been warned.
I am a damager.
and tey, you hold me.
I'm so tired of the phoniness,
especially my own.
with you I feel real.
but then I worry about the me that lies beneath.
the inhale, the exhale.
you are so soft like this, touchalbe.
breath is not aware of its history; it is just breath.
I wish I could be like that, or love could be like that.
you give me hope.
I debate whether I deserve it.
the rise, the fall, the rise.
if I hold you, you will know it in your dreams.
I run to the cliff,and then see you sleeping.
I stop.
the darkness is so many things.
it is my past in my present.
forgive me for what I might do to you.
the threat of my past in my future.
the watching in the dark.
You can sleep through anything.
expect your parents coming home.
but they are gone for the weekend,
so I am here.
Watching as you sleep
the gentle movements.
the blue room.
you have no idea.
you sleep, I watch.
the afterwards.
we have just been as close as two people can be.
you have said those three words.
and I believed it.
now you are asleep,
and it is dark,
and I am back with myself agin.
you have no idea.
this dark.
it would be so easy to let you take me with you.
that waking dreamland we escape to every now and then.
to be the person you think I am.
that person worthy of your love.
but I'm not.
I do not deserve you.
your breath,
my confession.
I have hurt people.
different people, the same hurt.
I have done things because I wanted to.
for no other reason than wanting to.
I have done things
I have been in that darkness.
you are sleeping with your arm around the pillow
your feet dangling off the bed.
there should only be one of us here.
you have no idea that I will break your heart.
when you break someone's heart,
you also break your own.
whenever I approach the truth,
you back away from it.
you don't want to know.
but you should know.
the more you ove me, the more I will ruin you.
I will take my darkness and I will push it inside of you.
lying awake besdie you,
these thoughts go through my head.
I have done unfogivable things.
(you inhale, you exhale)
I have taken advantage of other people's weaknesses in order to cover my own.
:I have slept with boys even thoguh I knew they would later make me want to die.
I have lied so often that I've lost all track of the truth.
I have stolen people's boyfrineds, because I knew I could.
and then I dumped them like everyone else.
because there was always someone else.
I have never been faithful.
until you.
but I do not know if that can last, if I can overcome who I am.
you open your arms to me and I want to tell you not to.
do not expose yourself to me.
the last boy who did that ended up shattered.
he could not stop asking me why?
he told me he loved me and I slapped him.
he thought I was playing, but I wasn't.
I am that damaged.
you sleep so innocently, and I watch to guiltily.
I didn't think it would come to this.
you kissed me at a party.
we both wanted to.
we hooked up--something that sounds like two metal pieces fastening together.
one holding the other, although it's often hard to tell which is which.
I liked your eyes and I could tell you liked me body.
I was fine with that, because it was not supposed to lead to this.
because I do care,
enough that I should leave you.
I am not capable of soemthng you are capable of.
that is, love.
I have the capacity for attraction.
even for admiration.
you deserve someone who will turn her world for you.
some who will give you sweetness.
I am unkind.
I am that kind.
you say you do not see it.
you say I am too hard on myself.
but I have lived with myself for too many years.
I know exactly how hard I am.
you will argue with me.
(not now, you are sleep)
you will rip yourself to shreds to prove that I am worth loving
you will not hear the chorus of everyone I've let down.
they sing from inside me,
sing form the darkness.
you do not know them.
they are from another town, another time.
but fomr the same person who now lies here next to you,
you can run her hand over your shoulder and make you shiver.
pull up the sheet,
inhale, exhale.
you are so beautiful.
this light.
the night I gave up on my self was not long ago.
right before I met you.
you must have heard,
you must have been warned.
I am a damager.
and tey, you hold me.
I'm so tired of the phoniness,
especially my own.
with you I feel real.
but then I worry about the me that lies beneath.
the inhale, the exhale.
you are so soft like this, touchalbe.
breath is not aware of its history; it is just breath.
I wish I could be like that, or love could be like that.
you give me hope.
I debate whether I deserve it.
the rise, the fall, the rise.
if I hold you, you will know it in your dreams.
I run to the cliff,and then see you sleeping.
I stop.
the darkness is so many things.
it is my past in my present.
forgive me for what I might do to you.
the threat of my past in my future.