Misery
Im back at my apartment. Completely lonely.
All the feelings that I couldn't wait to escape last semester have returned. Some argue that I am bringing this on myself by being unsocial. Even if I went to some party tonight with kids from school I would be just as lonely. I long for more than just the company of some other human. I long for the lifestyle that i left behind in A-town with a close knit group of friends.
I am just so completely bummed out. I am sick of the college lifestyle. I am feeling so many things that I can't write about. What an awful night. There is something that is completely on the outs right now. It is dangling from the cliff right now. I am just waiting for it to make one more wrong step. I am waiting to just be pushed one more inch. I wont be able to hang on to what I had before. Everything will have to change. There is no going back. I hope that I can just hang on. Hopefully forever. But right before my eyes I see things slipping away, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I wonder if it is inevitable. I realize now that I cannot prevent it from happening though I try almost every second of my life to protect what I have created. It's just that I dont want it to. It is just that I am not ready to let go. I just sit here and hope that everything is fine. The hardest part is that I am forced to watch the set up right before my eyes. And no one even knows but me.
I know that I am being terribly vague. I cant go into it any more. Im sure it isnt what you would think.
Well here is to the night ending quickly.
All the feelings that I couldn't wait to escape last semester have returned. Some argue that I am bringing this on myself by being unsocial. Even if I went to some party tonight with kids from school I would be just as lonely. I long for more than just the company of some other human. I long for the lifestyle that i left behind in A-town with a close knit group of friends.
I am just so completely bummed out. I am sick of the college lifestyle. I am feeling so many things that I can't write about. What an awful night. There is something that is completely on the outs right now. It is dangling from the cliff right now. I am just waiting for it to make one more wrong step. I am waiting to just be pushed one more inch. I wont be able to hang on to what I had before. Everything will have to change. There is no going back. I hope that I can just hang on. Hopefully forever. But right before my eyes I see things slipping away, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I wonder if it is inevitable. I realize now that I cannot prevent it from happening though I try almost every second of my life to protect what I have created. It's just that I dont want it to. It is just that I am not ready to let go. I just sit here and hope that everything is fine. The hardest part is that I am forced to watch the set up right before my eyes. And no one even knows but me.
I know that I am being terribly vague. I cant go into it any more. Im sure it isnt what you would think.
Well here is to the night ending quickly.