(no subject)
Here I am 10 days before my GOLDEN BIRTHDAY, and all I can think about is the depth to which I fucked up.
Here I am on what I thought was the shit end of the stick, and I just may be the only one who wasn't completly fucked over.
Here I am not smoking marijuanna for the first time in years, and it's the furthest thing from my mind. (which I might add isn't as clear when you stop smoking as everyone puts off.)
Here I am learning more about Nicholas Amerine then I ever thought possible, and now I can't blame anyone who has hated me.
Here I am finding myself, and I don't like the person I've become.
I don't get it. I've asked for this a hundred times. I wanted to see it so I didnt have to wonder. I wanted to laugh in your faces when I found out. I wanted to blame you and hate both of you, but for some reason I can't. For some fucking reason, I can only hate me.
What are you suppossed to do when you feel like you're trapped in someone your not?
What can you do when the words coming out of your mouth cut your tounge, right before you hear them tear into someone else?
I have never fealt so confused, or so angry at myself.
Maybe I'm just my own scapegoat.
Here I am on what I thought was the shit end of the stick, and I just may be the only one who wasn't completly fucked over.
Here I am not smoking marijuanna for the first time in years, and it's the furthest thing from my mind. (which I might add isn't as clear when you stop smoking as everyone puts off.)
Here I am learning more about Nicholas Amerine then I ever thought possible, and now I can't blame anyone who has hated me.
Here I am finding myself, and I don't like the person I've become.
I don't get it. I've asked for this a hundred times. I wanted to see it so I didnt have to wonder. I wanted to laugh in your faces when I found out. I wanted to blame you and hate both of you, but for some reason I can't. For some fucking reason, I can only hate me.
What are you suppossed to do when you feel like you're trapped in someone your not?
What can you do when the words coming out of your mouth cut your tounge, right before you hear them tear into someone else?
I have never fealt so confused, or so angry at myself.
Maybe I'm just my own scapegoat.