Because Jessica Asked
Taoism: If you understand shit, it isn't shit.
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Confucianism: Confucious say "Shit happens."
Buddhism: Shit will happen to you again.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Islam: If shit happens it is the will of Allah.
Sikhism: Leave our shit alone.
Jehova's Witness: Knock knock. Shit happens.
Atheism: I don't believe this shit.
Agnosticism: Can you prove shit happens?
Catholicism: If shit hapens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Shit happens, amen to that.
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us.
Orthodox Judaism: So shit happens, already.
Televangelism: Send money or shit will happen to you.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens rama rama.
Nation of Islam: Don't take no shit.
New Age: Visualize shit happening.
Shintoism: You inherit the shit of your ancestors.
Hedonism: I love it when shit happens.
Satanism: Sneppah tihs.
Captialism: This is MY shit.
Feminism: Men are shit.
Existentialism: What is shit, anyway?
Scientology: If shit happens, see Dianetics p 137.
Mormonism: Excrement happens (don't say shit).
Baptism: We'll was the shit right off you.
Myscicism: This is really weird shit.
Voodoo: Shit doesn't just happen - we made it happen.
Disneyism: Bad shit doesn't happen here.
Communism: Let's share the shit.
Marxism: You have nothing to lose but your shit.
Conspiracy Theorism: THEY shit on us!
Psycho-analysis: Tell me about you shit.
Darwinism: Survival of the shittiest.
Amish: Modern shit is useless.
Suicidal: I've had enough of this shit.
Optimism: Shit won't happen to me.
Trekism: To boldy shit where no man has shit before.
Shakespearean: To shit or not to shit, that is the question.
Descates: I shit therefore I am.
Freud: Shit is a phallic symbol.
Lawyers: For enough money, I can get you out of shit.
Acupuncturist: Hold still or this will hut like shit.
Dog: I just shit in your shoe.
Cat: Dogs are shit.
Mouse: Oh shit! A cat!
Politically Correct: Internally processed, nutritionally-drained biological output happens
Einstein: Shit is relative.
Family Gathering: Relatives are shit.
Materalism: Whoever dies with the most shit, wins.
Vegetaianism: If it happens to shit, don't eat it.
Fatalism: Oh shit, it's going to happen.
Environmentalism: Shit is biodegradable.
Americanism: Who gives a shit.
Statistician: Shit is 84.7% likely to happen.
Hip-Hop: Motherfuck this shiznit, beeatch!
Tantrism: Fuck this shit.
Cynicism: We are all full of shit.
Surrealism: Fish happens.
Wiccan: You can make shit happen, but shit will happen to you three times.