(no subject)
Holy shit, I haven't been here in SUCH a long time. It's sooo crazy reading all of my old posts...most of it seems like a lifetime ago.
So much has changed in my life I don't even know where to start...here goes nothin!
Well, Ted and I bought a house in Livonia. We now have two dogs and five chickens :) Colleen lives with us and she has a cat. We have gotten reallllly close, she's one of my very best friends. Ted and I were just in Deirdre's wedding on October 9th. It was...interesting. We had a really good time though. We're getting married once I'm done with school (2012) and I'm fairly certain we are going to Vegas with Joe and Melissa and getting married by a T-Rex. It's going to be pretty awesome.
I'm in my first semester of nursing school which is the most challenging thing I've ever done in my life (so far). I just started my first clinical rotation at Oakwood Heritage. I'm enjoying it so far, I'm really excited to be done with school and have a career already. My first patient was, well, difficult. I'm having a hard time controlling my emotions. It's so hard when you know someone isn't doing well and you're there to make them better but there's nothing you can really do. I don't know...it's just...hard.
Emily killed herself in January. January 7th. I talked to her just before. The last thing she said was, "I'm contemplating suicide. You're my last hope." When I texted her back "where are you" she didn't answer. I left work right away and was on my way to her mom's house to talk to her about it when Dani called me and told me. I went to her house and we talked for a little while. I cried, but just a little. I called my manager to let him know that I wouldn't be in the next day, went home and drank tequila. A lot of tequila. Fell asleep. I was upset about Emily for a while...I still am. I thought I was done "grieving" but then about a week ago I heard about a girl that my little brother goes to school with. She killed herself and Dani's little sister was the last person to talk to her. I lost it. I didn't know this girl, I had never even heard her name.
I'm trying to figure out how to grieve. How do you do that? I'm not sure. I hope I figure it out soon though. I talked to my mom about it and she said that she was worried that this might happen, that she was worried before because I got over Emily's death so fast. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know how to deal with this. Maybe writing it all down will help. This wasn't even my intention, I was going to just look at my old posts, then i thought I'd do a quick update about how much my life has changed in the last year and a half, now all of a sudden it's this. It seems like it always comes back to this. I just don't know how to not. But maybe that's my problem; after she died I just didn't think about it. I would start to get upset and then push it to the back of my mind. I don't want to deal with this. I have too much on my plate right now. With work, school, house, family, etc...it's just too much. But I can't let this keep effecting my life like this. It's not healthy and it's beginning to effect my work and sleep schedule. Which is no good at all, I'm already only getting about 4 hours a night with all of this homework and studying.
Speaking of which, I need to get to bed ASAP. I need to wake up early and finish my nursing care plan before work at 3. I'll be there until 10:30 and I need to wake up at 5am. Blech.
I don't think that anyone will read this because my friends page has no one on it (apparently I'm not the only one who hasn't been here in years!) soooo yeah. Maybe I'll update more often, it felt kind of good to get that off my chest. I shouldn't say that, I probably won't update at all, I have NO TIME!!
So much has changed in my life I don't even know where to start...here goes nothin!
Well, Ted and I bought a house in Livonia. We now have two dogs and five chickens :) Colleen lives with us and she has a cat. We have gotten reallllly close, she's one of my very best friends. Ted and I were just in Deirdre's wedding on October 9th. It was...interesting. We had a really good time though. We're getting married once I'm done with school (2012) and I'm fairly certain we are going to Vegas with Joe and Melissa and getting married by a T-Rex. It's going to be pretty awesome.
I'm in my first semester of nursing school which is the most challenging thing I've ever done in my life (so far). I just started my first clinical rotation at Oakwood Heritage. I'm enjoying it so far, I'm really excited to be done with school and have a career already. My first patient was, well, difficult. I'm having a hard time controlling my emotions. It's so hard when you know someone isn't doing well and you're there to make them better but there's nothing you can really do. I don't know...it's just...hard.
Emily killed herself in January. January 7th. I talked to her just before. The last thing she said was, "I'm contemplating suicide. You're my last hope." When I texted her back "where are you" she didn't answer. I left work right away and was on my way to her mom's house to talk to her about it when Dani called me and told me. I went to her house and we talked for a little while. I cried, but just a little. I called my manager to let him know that I wouldn't be in the next day, went home and drank tequila. A lot of tequila. Fell asleep. I was upset about Emily for a while...I still am. I thought I was done "grieving" but then about a week ago I heard about a girl that my little brother goes to school with. She killed herself and Dani's little sister was the last person to talk to her. I lost it. I didn't know this girl, I had never even heard her name.
I'm trying to figure out how to grieve. How do you do that? I'm not sure. I hope I figure it out soon though. I talked to my mom about it and she said that she was worried that this might happen, that she was worried before because I got over Emily's death so fast. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know how to deal with this. Maybe writing it all down will help. This wasn't even my intention, I was going to just look at my old posts, then i thought I'd do a quick update about how much my life has changed in the last year and a half, now all of a sudden it's this. It seems like it always comes back to this. I just don't know how to not. But maybe that's my problem; after she died I just didn't think about it. I would start to get upset and then push it to the back of my mind. I don't want to deal with this. I have too much on my plate right now. With work, school, house, family, etc...it's just too much. But I can't let this keep effecting my life like this. It's not healthy and it's beginning to effect my work and sleep schedule. Which is no good at all, I'm already only getting about 4 hours a night with all of this homework and studying.
Speaking of which, I need to get to bed ASAP. I need to wake up early and finish my nursing care plan before work at 3. I'll be there until 10:30 and I need to wake up at 5am. Blech.
I don't think that anyone will read this because my friends page has no one on it (apparently I'm not the only one who hasn't been here in years!) soooo yeah. Maybe I'll update more often, it felt kind of good to get that off my chest. I shouldn't say that, I probably won't update at all, I have NO TIME!!