Pretenses and pretentiousness
Perhaps it is a sign of my predicament that I haven't written in here in so long. Entries are spotty. And this is because my energies are divided elsewhere. Where is this energy is expended....a war between sociality and intellectual endeavors.
Too much time on school makes less time to spend on relationships. This seems to be a recurring theme. "Spend" seems an appropriate word. Even time is a commodity and currency. How to check and balance time between love of another and love of education and self enlightenment?
I realized that my education has been eternally valuable to my life as a human impassioned. I cringe at a world where I could have never known Bertolt Brecht, or Marx, or Lacan, or Spinoza. Yet this was my limitation up to high school. Which just goes to show the divide of classes, the capitalist regime at work, how the free public schools will only take you so far, how disgusting that tuition is the path to further enlightenment. Resumes, perpetuate the cycle.
Still, how grateful I am for my education, I feel I can never express. Gratitude to the thinkers and writers that came before me. My love of education has crystallized. No longer a childish infatuation, awestruck by the quick wit, turn of phrase, but rather an appreciation for the capacity of intellect itself.
I realized today that I am capable of original thought. I had forgotten this in my purely physical flings of the past. I now see the problem with such idolatry. If it wouldn't be untrue to the process of self-knowing, I would scratch out all the pages of my idiotic frenzies of self-deprecation.
But that is what strikes me as remarkable. I finally get it, as primitive or pretentious as it may seem to quote-- "I think, therefore I am." I finally get it.
It is as if the light has finally clicked on.
Too much time on school makes less time to spend on relationships. This seems to be a recurring theme. "Spend" seems an appropriate word. Even time is a commodity and currency. How to check and balance time between love of another and love of education and self enlightenment?
I realized that my education has been eternally valuable to my life as a human impassioned. I cringe at a world where I could have never known Bertolt Brecht, or Marx, or Lacan, or Spinoza. Yet this was my limitation up to high school. Which just goes to show the divide of classes, the capitalist regime at work, how the free public schools will only take you so far, how disgusting that tuition is the path to further enlightenment. Resumes, perpetuate the cycle.
Still, how grateful I am for my education, I feel I can never express. Gratitude to the thinkers and writers that came before me. My love of education has crystallized. No longer a childish infatuation, awestruck by the quick wit, turn of phrase, but rather an appreciation for the capacity of intellect itself.
I realized today that I am capable of original thought. I had forgotten this in my purely physical flings of the past. I now see the problem with such idolatry. If it wouldn't be untrue to the process of self-knowing, I would scratch out all the pages of my idiotic frenzies of self-deprecation.
But that is what strikes me as remarkable. I finally get it, as primitive or pretentious as it may seem to quote-- "I think, therefore I am." I finally get it.
It is as if the light has finally clicked on.