A year in review
January:
-On medication watch/delivery
-Taking GED classes(every once in awhile)
-Not much really happening
February:
-Got taken off med delivery after 4 months
-Dropped out of GED classes
-Mom moved in three houses down with him
-Again, a very listless existence
March:
-Stayed at Jens for nearly a month
-Didn't cut for 29 days
-Chloe was born(23rd)
-drinking increased
April:
-Took GED tests and passed
-started cutting again
-Watched mom and him delve further into drugs
-I switched from prozac to zoloft
May:
-Mom got evicted
-Mothers day and my moms 45th b-day
-An uninteresting month
June:
-A feeble attempt at suicide
-60 something stitches
-3 weeks in a hospital
July:
-My 21st b-day
-The start of a long drinking binge
-Signed up for financial aid and college
-Blurry month
August:
-Still pretty blurry(drinking almost every night)
-Drove Ricky and Kristina to Wolf Creek Job Corps(6 hour drive, only for them to turn around and come back 3 days later)
-Met with an advisor and got my class schedule
-Continued drinking a lot
September:
-Started classes
-Drinking lessened
-A lot of time consumed by homework
October:
-Dads 48th b-day
-Classes still overwhelming
-hardly ever drank
-still taking zoloft
November:
-Finished up the quarter
-Dramatic Thanksgiving
-Studied endlessly for finals
-Started cutting way to deep
December:
-Passed all finals with A's
-Made the Presidents list
-celebrated by getting plastered
-Kristina's 21st b-day
-Did x-mas baking with Jen for two weeks
-Still cutting way to deep
-Shitty x-mas
So my year was full of ups and downs, but whose isn't? I just read over my first entry of 2006 and realized that everything I put still holds true. I don't think I've changed one bit. I've grown a lot, succeeded in something I thought I would never ever in a million succeed in; yet I still feel like I have the exact same obsessions, nightmares, depressions, anxieties, and values. Perhaps I should be more patient. Perhaps I should I congratulate myself and allow myself to be proud of the person that I am and the things I have excelled in.
I think that is something that I'll never learn to do. How could I? What I am inside is nothing like I am outside.