what's left ?
i use to have a person in my life..
this person was my best friend, but i fucked that up.
my best friend was the person i loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but i fucked that up.
a week ago i had a nervous breakdown. i really shouldnt have reacted the way i did, but there wasnt much i could do about it.
i am a control freak. which might be the reason i never did drink or do drugs or smoke.. because i wouldnt have control of the situation.
i was forced into a situation i had no control over, and i lost control of my emotions and pretty much my entire self.
i didnt know what to do and i did the only i could do...
i was seriously driving MYSELF insane. i should have trusted her and know everything would be ok.
regret, is the only thing i can do. regret my actions. i should have believed in what we had.
had, no longer. we cant have that again, and it's because of me.
any thread of feelings left for me.. are now gone. the only person to blame is me.
i fucked up. i did this to myself.
there is nothing left.. not even a friendship anymore.
i destroy everything i care about... i guess its just human nature...
maybe it's just me...
with every step i took to try to make myself feel better at the time.. just made her take 10 steps away from us..
at this point there is nothing i can do. as much as i want to make everything right again.. it's not going to happen.
there is no right between us anymore. there isnt anything between us anymore.
just pain and anger. fear and hate.
i acted so fucking stupid. i know this now. i know it because i found out i fucked everything up.
"i'm not leaving you, not forever.. i love you"
those words turned into "i dont love you anymore, i have no feelings for you, it's over" within 2 days time..
all because of me.
all i can do is think about going back and fixing everything. doing it over.. differently this time..
i hate myself for the things i did and the way i acted.
she says she doesnt hate me, but i can feel it.
i want to dissapear.
if i cant have the person i love then what is there left for me ?
can i erase her from my mind ?
get rid of the pain...
what is left for me ?
i fucked up and i cant change that. i want to set everything right.. i want things to be like they were 2 weeks ago. lets forget about this and move forward..
the forward that was happening before all this..
this person was my best friend, but i fucked that up.
my best friend was the person i loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but i fucked that up.
a week ago i had a nervous breakdown. i really shouldnt have reacted the way i did, but there wasnt much i could do about it.
i am a control freak. which might be the reason i never did drink or do drugs or smoke.. because i wouldnt have control of the situation.
i was forced into a situation i had no control over, and i lost control of my emotions and pretty much my entire self.
i didnt know what to do and i did the only i could do...
i was seriously driving MYSELF insane. i should have trusted her and know everything would be ok.
regret, is the only thing i can do. regret my actions. i should have believed in what we had.
had, no longer. we cant have that again, and it's because of me.
any thread of feelings left for me.. are now gone. the only person to blame is me.
i fucked up. i did this to myself.
there is nothing left.. not even a friendship anymore.
i destroy everything i care about... i guess its just human nature...
maybe it's just me...
with every step i took to try to make myself feel better at the time.. just made her take 10 steps away from us..
at this point there is nothing i can do. as much as i want to make everything right again.. it's not going to happen.
there is no right between us anymore. there isnt anything between us anymore.
just pain and anger. fear and hate.
i acted so fucking stupid. i know this now. i know it because i found out i fucked everything up.
"i'm not leaving you, not forever.. i love you"
those words turned into "i dont love you anymore, i have no feelings for you, it's over" within 2 days time..
all because of me.
all i can do is think about going back and fixing everything. doing it over.. differently this time..
i hate myself for the things i did and the way i acted.
she says she doesnt hate me, but i can feel it.
i want to dissapear.
if i cant have the person i love then what is there left for me ?
can i erase her from my mind ?
get rid of the pain...
what is left for me ?
i fucked up and i cant change that. i want to set everything right.. i want things to be like they were 2 weeks ago. lets forget about this and move forward..
the forward that was happening before all this..