*wow*
I just remembered that this thing exist... i went through and looked at all my old post's. Its pretty crazzy to see how things have changed, the friendships that have come and gone, the good times, the bad times, how many different times i have tried to change my life, how many times my life has completely changed...
Whatever i have written in the past, almost none of that is really the same anymore.
Things changed with Steven and I... they changed quite dramatically actually. When i came out here to Jersey in January, it was basically the start of my new life. It was time for me to decide what and who i wanted to keep in my life and what i wanted to change. I couldnt handle the long distance relationship anymore. it was time for me to come here and figure out just exactly what we had... or what we didn't.
It didnt take me long at all to know what i wanted to do, it was figuring out how to do it that was the problem.
I didnt want to hurt him anymore... i couldnt.
we broke up shorty after i moved here, but still remained realy close friends, which is exactly what i wanted. he has been here for me through everything. when everyone else i knew turned there backs on me, he was the only one that was still there supporting me. and i dont think he'll ever know just how gratefull i am for that.
We remained close for a while
Then the most unexpected feelings started to occur.. Forbidden Love if you will? LoL
I had a party at my house for Memorial Day weekend. The usual ya know, everyone jus chillin gettin fucked up havin a blast.
But something happened that night... I saw Jay in a way that i had never seen him before. The feeling i had is just so unexplaiable. Looking into his eyes, those mesmerizing eyes of his.
i felt like i was falling for him...
Then Later that night
He kissed me
He literally took my breath away, and i swear to you my heart skipped a beat {or a few)
...I fell for him so hard.
We went through alot of bullshit in the beginning, especailly because of steve being so mad and everybody thinking that what we were doing was wrong...
We couldnt help it, you cant exactly help the way you feel ya know? it just happens.
06/09/06 <3
Benn soo happy ever since
Last night was our first night in this apartment as Our Apartment!!! =]
I think of this a perfect opportunity for the both of us.
We get to start over.
With Eachother
I have so much more i could write about... just not right now
Were goin to dinner! :)
Whatever i have written in the past, almost none of that is really the same anymore.
Things changed with Steven and I... they changed quite dramatically actually. When i came out here to Jersey in January, it was basically the start of my new life. It was time for me to decide what and who i wanted to keep in my life and what i wanted to change. I couldnt handle the long distance relationship anymore. it was time for me to come here and figure out just exactly what we had... or what we didn't.
It didnt take me long at all to know what i wanted to do, it was figuring out how to do it that was the problem.
I didnt want to hurt him anymore... i couldnt.
we broke up shorty after i moved here, but still remained realy close friends, which is exactly what i wanted. he has been here for me through everything. when everyone else i knew turned there backs on me, he was the only one that was still there supporting me. and i dont think he'll ever know just how gratefull i am for that.
We remained close for a while
Then the most unexpected feelings started to occur.. Forbidden Love if you will? LoL
I had a party at my house for Memorial Day weekend. The usual ya know, everyone jus chillin gettin fucked up havin a blast.
But something happened that night... I saw Jay in a way that i had never seen him before. The feeling i had is just so unexplaiable. Looking into his eyes, those mesmerizing eyes of his.
i felt like i was falling for him...
Then Later that night
He kissed me
He literally took my breath away, and i swear to you my heart skipped a beat {or a few)
...I fell for him so hard.
We went through alot of bullshit in the beginning, especailly because of steve being so mad and everybody thinking that what we were doing was wrong...
We couldnt help it, you cant exactly help the way you feel ya know? it just happens.
06/09/06 <3
Benn soo happy ever since
Last night was our first night in this apartment as Our Apartment!!! =]
I think of this a perfect opportunity for the both of us.
We get to start over.
With Eachother
I have so much more i could write about... just not right now
Were goin to dinner! :)