(no subject)
I've honestly never felt this mixed up in my life. But it is what it is and I still have what's important going for me. I'm up and down everyday, optimistic as hell and then down to never wanting to leave my room. I like being alone. I like figuring things out myself. It's so hard for me to accept help from anybody on anything because I've literally been completely alone (besides my little man, Rags) since Febuary. I've thought about moving back to Ohio on more than one occassion just so I can be closer to the people who no one here could ever measure up to. But I have a good job. I'm working towards better things. Better days. Not to mention it would put even more of a strain on my relationship. I wish I felt like being with people on a more regular basis. I'm pretty sure touring has ruined my social skills. Maybe not touring, but who I did it with and the terrible tension that was stuck in the air no matter who was in the van/bus. Some people just can't live and let live.
So here I am in New York. And it will take me a while but today I'm making a promise to do whatever it takes to make me happy again. I can't just live here and be miserable all the while. I'm going to build a small studio in my living room. I'm going to pick my art back up again. And I'll be happy.
Maybe all I need is a real vacation. I wish it were that easy. And until then I will listen to all the blue collar punk/rock I can get my hands on because it's the only music that will ever stick with me until I close my eyes and die.
Maybe we're the lucky ones
'Cause we can choose to turn it off
Maybe we're the lonely ones
'Cause we decide to shield what's soft
I'm sure you'll learn to dance and drink and dream
but you might still feel lost
And I see myself in you my friend
but I would break where you would bend
I'm calling on what you defend and tonight I won't hold back
Just don't waste all your years
believing in the fear
You'll choke out what's alive and make
What's wrong be all that's real
I can see you're weakened at the seams
And trying to swim upstream but can't find a way
So here we are again trying to hold back
the tides behind our eyes
lucky ones trying to drink from both the wells we claim are dry
I guess I've found some freedom in
embracing every time they pry
We're both the same
You're just like me
And when your skin finally sheds
You'll find your nerves all in shreds
The price may be to keep your heart, you'll lose your head.
So here I am in New York. And it will take me a while but today I'm making a promise to do whatever it takes to make me happy again. I can't just live here and be miserable all the while. I'm going to build a small studio in my living room. I'm going to pick my art back up again. And I'll be happy.
Maybe all I need is a real vacation. I wish it were that easy. And until then I will listen to all the blue collar punk/rock I can get my hands on because it's the only music that will ever stick with me until I close my eyes and die.
Maybe we're the lucky ones
'Cause we can choose to turn it off
Maybe we're the lonely ones
'Cause we decide to shield what's soft
I'm sure you'll learn to dance and drink and dream
but you might still feel lost
And I see myself in you my friend
but I would break where you would bend
I'm calling on what you defend and tonight I won't hold back
Just don't waste all your years
believing in the fear
You'll choke out what's alive and make
What's wrong be all that's real
I can see you're weakened at the seams
And trying to swim upstream but can't find a way
So here we are again trying to hold back
the tides behind our eyes
lucky ones trying to drink from both the wells we claim are dry
I guess I've found some freedom in
embracing every time they pry
We're both the same
You're just like me
And when your skin finally sheds
You'll find your nerves all in shreds
The price may be to keep your heart, you'll lose your head.