fuck.
i've noticed i've started using the f word a lot more lately.
and my primary mood is pissed off, or something along those lines.
i fucking hate doctors. more than i can explain. every one keeps telling me how i just have to "stay strong" and they'll figure it out eventually. well, eventually isn't a good enough time frame for me. if you couldn't fucking figure it out 10 years ago when it first started happening your not going to find out now. i shouldn't be so angry at them, it's not their fault all my test come back normal and give no explanation for why i have seizures. i should be mad at myself. i swear, if i would have known i was going to have my license suspended for 6 fucking months, i would have just told the cops that i ran into the house cause i wasn't paying attention. yeah, i would have gotten tickets, my insurance would have went up. i don't even fucking care about that shit anymore. i want to be able to go somewhere when i want to go.
this has ruined my carefree attitude, now all i do is brood and bitch at people. i didn't think it was possible, but i actually think i've started smoking even more since it happened. i wish i had better words to describe how i feel rather than just saying "i hate everything". but really, i do. it's not even like i'm grouchy, i'm seriously pissed at every one and every thing. the littlest things will make me insanely pissed off. for example, tripping over something in your room shouldn't make you clench your teeth and scream. not to mention, having to use every once of self control to not punch something?
fuck it, whatever, i'm going to get high.
and my primary mood is pissed off, or something along those lines.
i fucking hate doctors. more than i can explain. every one keeps telling me how i just have to "stay strong" and they'll figure it out eventually. well, eventually isn't a good enough time frame for me. if you couldn't fucking figure it out 10 years ago when it first started happening your not going to find out now. i shouldn't be so angry at them, it's not their fault all my test come back normal and give no explanation for why i have seizures. i should be mad at myself. i swear, if i would have known i was going to have my license suspended for 6 fucking months, i would have just told the cops that i ran into the house cause i wasn't paying attention. yeah, i would have gotten tickets, my insurance would have went up. i don't even fucking care about that shit anymore. i want to be able to go somewhere when i want to go.
this has ruined my carefree attitude, now all i do is brood and bitch at people. i didn't think it was possible, but i actually think i've started smoking even more since it happened. i wish i had better words to describe how i feel rather than just saying "i hate everything". but really, i do. it's not even like i'm grouchy, i'm seriously pissed at every one and every thing. the littlest things will make me insanely pissed off. for example, tripping over something in your room shouldn't make you clench your teeth and scream. not to mention, having to use every once of self control to not punch something?
fuck it, whatever, i'm going to get high.