Thoughts
so lately i have been thinking a lot, about myself, and other things, and well, i just had to put it all somewhere so here it goes...
i came to realize that i cannot truely "hate" anyone, becuase if i could get away with killing someone, anyone, i wouldn't have anyone to kill. i have also realized that my own "hatred" or "jealousy" isn't really hatred or jealousy, it is simply my fear of being less important or being replaced by that person, which i am now working on. because i also realize that no one, no matter how hard they try, can replace me in this world. everyone is unique and people can try their damnedst to take my place, but it is never going to happen. also beauty, the way people think of it in the present time, is worthless. no one is more beautiful than another person, everyone has their special qualities, and that's what makes everyone unique. i dislike people who judge other people by their looks, it irritates me alot. i also think that people should embrace their natural beauty, without the makeup, hair products, or the certain clothes and shoes.
i am never happy, that is my number one fault. i try to hide it, i fear revealing my weaknesses, but i cannot hide it any longer. i try to fake the happiness and the smiles, and it works, but i don't want it too anymore. i know i have to be strong for Brian and Sara, no matter how hard it gets, and i can't show my pain, but sometimes it is really difficult. the only reason i pretend to be happy all the time is for the ones i care about, but i now i think that is worse than just letting them know how i really feel....anyway, more later, i have to go....
i came to realize that i cannot truely "hate" anyone, becuase if i could get away with killing someone, anyone, i wouldn't have anyone to kill. i have also realized that my own "hatred" or "jealousy" isn't really hatred or jealousy, it is simply my fear of being less important or being replaced by that person, which i am now working on. because i also realize that no one, no matter how hard they try, can replace me in this world. everyone is unique and people can try their damnedst to take my place, but it is never going to happen. also beauty, the way people think of it in the present time, is worthless. no one is more beautiful than another person, everyone has their special qualities, and that's what makes everyone unique. i dislike people who judge other people by their looks, it irritates me alot. i also think that people should embrace their natural beauty, without the makeup, hair products, or the certain clothes and shoes.
i am never happy, that is my number one fault. i try to hide it, i fear revealing my weaknesses, but i cannot hide it any longer. i try to fake the happiness and the smiles, and it works, but i don't want it too anymore. i know i have to be strong for Brian and Sara, no matter how hard it gets, and i can't show my pain, but sometimes it is really difficult. the only reason i pretend to be happy all the time is for the ones i care about, but i now i think that is worse than just letting them know how i really feel....anyway, more later, i have to go....