updated biatch

[xshockyourmindx]

i honestly dont get why this happens to me. maybe its cos i am some kind of a loser. i guess i will never know. i mean yeah mike is in jail & all & i dont get to see him so it sucks but the thing is here my friends have boyfriends and of course i have to get blessed with losers i hate how my friensd who have boyfriends dotn have time in the world for there friends and how they are so stuck on them constantly and how they would rather be home talking on the phone with them then hanging out with there friends and how it is a constant thing to be with them ive only had one friend who knows how to hang out with her friends work and also have time for her boyfriend oh and the fact that she has a kid to. but my other friends NO WAY. its so out of the question. the way i see it is i understand you have a boyfriend thats fine and all but you also have friends that want to hang out with you like a situation of having to only see your boyfriend on friday and saturday but "my friends have all week to hang out with me" but everyone is so busy during the week with school and work that they only go out on the weekends. and this is with all of my friends that i have been friends with and have done this to me. ive never had a real boyfriend ive never even have a boyfriend well. i did date mike before he went to jail and i had time to see him, hang out with my friends go to school and work. and these people only work and then go right to there boyfriend. i dont get it. im not jealous or anything but it sucks when you want to go out and do something on those days but your friends are to busy with there boyfriends and act like they dont have the time or day and what really bothers me is when you call your friend and they are with there boyfriend so they dont answer, do you know how fuckin rude that is? they only call when its convient to them or only bother when its convient for them and then the excuse is "oh sorry i couldnt call you back" or they dont even bother to call at all the whole night and then call you tomorrow act like nothing ever happened and go on with themselves; then my question is wouldnt you think that its fucked up when you and you boyfriend break up, youll be all fine and dandy do hang out with your friends now cos you dont have that boyfriend? you now involve yourself cos there not around anymore? i hate that. but im usually the one that gets left out so im use to it. but i cant stand people who are like that. maybe its why i dont like much girls. when mike gets out i hope im happy and there misserable with no one. i feel as though i want to do the same thing that my friends have been doing to me that i could do to them. but i know how it hurts to do that. but maybe one day they will get what they are asking for.

i swear alot has been bothering and things just trigger my fuckin brain. as for school (college) i suck at it. im trying though but i dont even know if i want to go back for the next semester but i dont want to be working at wendys for the rest of my entire life either. work stresses me out also. i believe theres more to life than just working our asses off and paying bills. i dont know but i feel as though i never have time for myself or time for anyone else or even time to relax. it is crazy.