wow a real entry.

[xshockyourmindx]

im kind of starting to see mike again. it didn't even feel weird when i saw him last saturday and it made like a month since i've seen him i missed him alot. i don't know what i feel for him right now though. we are friends and thats what we are only going to be. sunday night we almost had sex but i said no and he was cool with it. i don't know if i should go ahead and just have sex with him. we arent in love and i don't know if i want him to be my first. i told him i wanted my first time to be special and he said it would be and that he wanted to experience it with me since he was taking something from me, but to me i didn't find it that special since he already did it. who knows. we'll see, maybe not right now but later on. sex is such a difficult situation esp for the first time, and yeah i don't know how some people can lose it at a young age or don't care who they lose it to. im confused maybe i just feel left out. i always wanted to wait til i was married but alot of people end up saying that and it usually never happens. i know the best thing to do is wait. but whos to say that your first is going to be with you forever?

last night i was talking to jacob. i really miss him i really do i barely talk to my friends online that i've known for a while. like eli and jacob. i love talking to them i havent talked to eli in such a long time i havent poured my problems on or told him anything in a while. he has a life of course and i have school and work and need to go to bed early, he does live in cali so the time zone is different. but i do read his lj. as for jacob i might meet him this summer right now we'll see. i don't know what im doing this summer or what i have for plans. and i heard someone likes jacob but i can't worry about that to much i knew this time would come but they are nt going out maybe im just worried over nothing but i do like the kid just not like i use to. who knows i got alot to do.

this week were having are math state testing madd boring let me tell you. me and a few people have to stay in a class room with are math teacher that is such a beast all she does is nag and tell us to be quiet, i just feel like yelling back at her she treats us like little kids. brian, ron and i were saying stuff about someone its mean but they dont even go to school, hell they arent even born yet. its mean but we were only joking.

amy is finding out what she is having tomorrow, so she says shes either three months or shes having twins. cos she says shes really big, which she isnt and shes always been a chubby person. one of those i don't even know neither does she i just hate how she is like rushing her whole pregnancy. and i hate how she brags and always wants attention your pregnant big deal your not the first and last. im just sick of hearing about how shes pregnant thats all she talks about so it makes me not want to care anymore.