Something of consequence, possibly.
I was thinking about some things while Kyle and I took this little trip of ours. I did a lot of thinking about relationships in general, you know, what they mean to me. People put a lot of faith into them, as I'm sure everyone understands. In my estimation, they put too much faith in them. Seriously, what is the point? Dating someone is just saying you had the thought somewhere in your mind that they would be suitable for you for the rest of your life. In one way or another, be it sexual or intellectual, the reasoning depends on who is thinking about it. I'm in a relationship now, and you know, sometimes I wonder the status of it. Actually, a lot of the time, that quandary crosses my mind. We all know how we feel, I believe that is never a concern. The trouble is that you never know what the other party is thinking. Whether they chose to keep things simple, or complicate them by obliterating your feelings. So, here is what the real trouble with me is now: I am thinking that perhaps I should take some time to be by myself, to sort things out. But I don't want to jump out of this relationship, because I really like the other person, but I don't know if what I am doing is right here. I care, yes, perhaps too much yet again. In my experience, whenever I am not with someone, I am always thinking about it. Even if I am doing something that is designed to take my mind off of it, some portion of it always rests on that one topic. Then we I get with someone, I feel like something is wrong all the time, which drags my attention away from the relationship itself. So either way, I wind up being alone, ultimately creating a vicious cycle of loneliness. So what is the solution here? The opinion I recieved was as I stated earlier, just take some time for myself. But what if I figure out this is what I want, and I can't get it back? I would be robbing myself of my own desire. I don't think there really is a solution here. I think that everything just circulates around our lives, eventually we hit something that gives us a moment of peace. I'm happy, I just don't want to hurt anyone else, which I always seem to anyways. *sigh* God life is gay.........
Right now there isn't anything to do, but just sit here and think really. About a lot of things, mostly relationships, as I'm sure you already know. I'm also thinking about my guitar. There is the distinct possibility I may be developing tendonitis. At least, I have the first signs of it, which really sucks. I don't want that to be my downfall, you know? If I have to give up, I want it to be because I am missing an arm or something, not over something dumb like that. Sometimes, the pain is pretty bad, I was thinking about going to a doctor and asking what can I do to help prevent it. I would lose my mind if I couldn't play my guitar, it's the only thing in the world I understand. I don't care if I suck or whatever, I feel a connection with it that I have never felt anywhere else. Like, somehow, we share a common bond. I'm odd, I can't help that. But to anyone who disagrees, at least I have found something that I can relate to that never leaves me, which is more than what most people can say. I'm gonna stop yelling for now, this is getting us nowhere fast. I think I'm gonna hurt my inner arms and wrist some more. Play guitar that is, not what you all are thinking.....Pervs......
Right now there isn't anything to do, but just sit here and think really. About a lot of things, mostly relationships, as I'm sure you already know. I'm also thinking about my guitar. There is the distinct possibility I may be developing tendonitis. At least, I have the first signs of it, which really sucks. I don't want that to be my downfall, you know? If I have to give up, I want it to be because I am missing an arm or something, not over something dumb like that. Sometimes, the pain is pretty bad, I was thinking about going to a doctor and asking what can I do to help prevent it. I would lose my mind if I couldn't play my guitar, it's the only thing in the world I understand. I don't care if I suck or whatever, I feel a connection with it that I have never felt anywhere else. Like, somehow, we share a common bond. I'm odd, I can't help that. But to anyone who disagrees, at least I have found something that I can relate to that never leaves me, which is more than what most people can say. I'm gonna stop yelling for now, this is getting us nowhere fast. I think I'm gonna hurt my inner arms and wrist some more. Play guitar that is, not what you all are thinking.....Pervs......