“time wounds all heals.”
I've loved John Lennon practically since the day I was born, but something changed in me towards him this year. I feel more connected and empathic towards him, he isn’t just a Beatle or a musician to me anymore; he is an amazing person. One that I strive to take after.
A couple weeks ago I saw the US vs. John Lennon and after seeing it this profound feeling came over me. I think it's because I’ve aged and the last time I really felt something extremely strong towards him was when I was about eight. I remember the anniversary of his death that year so clearly. It was the first year that I really realized the day of his death; there was a newscast talking about John and after I watched it I bawled myself to sleep.
The movie made me see sides of John Lennon that I’d never seen before. And these sides of him make me love him even more. The husband, the father, the political activist, these parts of him makes him all the more special. And I now find myself understanding his lyrics and the meaning behind them even more. It makes me feel closer to him somehow.
After watching the documentary I found myself liking Yoko Ono, although I’ve been told to hate her by the media since birth. “She broke up the Beatles!” It’s just another lie weaved by the media, just like John and Yoko were trying to show throughout their lives. The Beatles simply outgrew the Beatles. It’s like John said to that editor of some magazine, he’s wasn’t that young little “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” guy anymore.
John and Yoko were so in love with each other and no one really understood that. And that’s a really horrid thought. Both of their lives were tainted with the memory of his Beatles days and no one would accept them and let them be. It’s horrible that we did that to them and didn’t just leave them alone. The footage of them in the movie, of shots of them just dancing down the streets of New York and staring at each other lovingly everywhere; they couldn’t keep their eyes of each other. I’ve never seen anyone so in love as they were. It hurts me to know that their love was destroyed by a fan of all people.
Fuck, is there no balance in this world? Everything is so bollocked up.
One year I’m going to go to New York and mourn with thousands of other fans at Strawberry Fields. I need to go to Strawberry Fields. There is this unbearable feeling, this need for me to go or I will never find peace with myself. I feel like I could find myself there. I haven’t a clue as to why I feel these things, but I do. Kurt Cobain has a similar feeling for me, I need to go to Seattle one year and mourn. I think that by connecting with other fans and mourning with them over my heroes I will find a better understanding of myself.