“I hate sex because it takes too long.”
I went to my future cousin-in-law’s bridal shower. The theme was “Naughty and Nice” though not so naughty as my Grandmother and Aunts feared. I thought it hilarious some of the things she got. There was Chocolick body paint, a his and hers spanking paddle, some hair elastics (pony tails make great handles!) and a wrapped gift entitled, “Emergency Honeymoon Entertainment” (or something akin to it). Josie opened it up and inside was two Sudoku books with a note attached, “Your honeymoon must really suck if you’ve opened this.”
The games were jocular (well, I’m just saying that because I won at most of them); there was one where you wrote down the household chore you hate the most and why. They then read your paper, but instead of saying the chore you wrote, they insert “sex” into the sentence. Mine was: “I hate sex because it makes me sneeze.” And my personal favourite was my Aunt Anna’s: “I hate sex because it takes too long.” (Aunt Lorraine’s was almost identical, “I hate sex because it’s boring and it takes too long.”) Suzie’s was my second favourite: “I hate sex because it hurts my back.”
And, the funniest thing, we were all actually complaining about dusting. Truly, we all think alike.
I won at the purse game (you get points for how many items you have in your purse) because I got 145 points for having a photo of a loved one (I have about twenty eight pictures of my loved ones because we just got a bunch of pictures developed), 94 points for having photos of myself, and 70 points for my trillion kleenexes.
I also won at this game where you close your eyes and attempt to draw what they tell you the bride will look like on her wedding day. My drawing was damn pathetic but Josie particularly liked it because she says the detached body parts represent how she will be all over the place on her wedding day. Love her.
Went back to the Deck’s, found the first season of House on DVD (my Aunt says she can’t rip it for me because they’re double sided - Woe!), and went swimming for ages. I touched the bottom of the deep end for the first time (I used be scared shitless of swimming in the deep end - swimming has never been a great talent for me) and was v. v. wrinkly when I got out. Is that what I’m going to look like when I’m older? I dread the day.
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The Muzzer and I have begun playing badminton every night. Tonight my right arm killed so much from playing the previous nights that I began to use my left arm. I discovered that I am better using my left arm playing than my right arm; it is truly mind boggling. After my left arm would tire, I would switch to my right and then switch back and so forth the entire hour we played. I just got back into the house and attempted getting a glass of water and my arms are so sore that I can barely hold the glass with both hands. It is crazy how much it hurts and how weak my arms are afterwards, but it’s just so much bloody fun.
Awesome, awesome, awesome thing I must share so that you can all be jealous: Muzzer and I play badminton with bats every night. There are bats living down my street and we play long enough for it to go dark and the bats with come out and swoop low over us and in and out and it is damn adorable. We are like, “Two, two batty-bats we almost hit and killed with our rackets, ah-ah-ah.!”
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And on a completely random note: I saw a woman at the grocery store a couple of days ago that looked exactly like Eicca Toppinen of Apocalyptica. It was most alarming. I had to do a double take when I first saw her. Her face as so alike; her nose, the curves of her face (though Eicca has slightly more prominent curves), her lips. She even had the long blonde hair tied back at the nap of her neck. The only thing different between the two (other than their genders, obviously) was her skin; it was leathery and made her look old.
I explained this all to the Muzzer and she’s like, “She does look Scandinavian.” To which I replied, “Finnish people aren’t technically Scandinavian,” and went off into a spiel. She’s like, “Whatever,” after I was done, “They look the same.” Pah! (okay, yes they do, but you know, trying to educate her here and she’s tells me “Whatever.”)
ETA: Are you aware how abnormal the word “friend” is? Truly. Try staring at it for awhile, it is most petrifying.
The games were jocular (well, I’m just saying that because I won at most of them); there was one where you wrote down the household chore you hate the most and why. They then read your paper, but instead of saying the chore you wrote, they insert “sex” into the sentence. Mine was: “I hate sex because it makes me sneeze.” And my personal favourite was my Aunt Anna’s: “I hate sex because it takes too long.” (Aunt Lorraine’s was almost identical, “I hate sex because it’s boring and it takes too long.”) Suzie’s was my second favourite: “I hate sex because it hurts my back.”
And, the funniest thing, we were all actually complaining about dusting. Truly, we all think alike.
I won at the purse game (you get points for how many items you have in your purse) because I got 145 points for having a photo of a loved one (I have about twenty eight pictures of my loved ones because we just got a bunch of pictures developed), 94 points for having photos of myself, and 70 points for my trillion kleenexes.
I also won at this game where you close your eyes and attempt to draw what they tell you the bride will look like on her wedding day. My drawing was damn pathetic but Josie particularly liked it because she says the detached body parts represent how she will be all over the place on her wedding day. Love her.
Went back to the Deck’s, found the first season of House on DVD (my Aunt says she can’t rip it for me because they’re double sided - Woe!), and went swimming for ages. I touched the bottom of the deep end for the first time (I used be scared shitless of swimming in the deep end - swimming has never been a great talent for me) and was v. v. wrinkly when I got out. Is that what I’m going to look like when I’m older? I dread the day.
---
The Muzzer and I have begun playing badminton every night. Tonight my right arm killed so much from playing the previous nights that I began to use my left arm. I discovered that I am better using my left arm playing than my right arm; it is truly mind boggling. After my left arm would tire, I would switch to my right and then switch back and so forth the entire hour we played. I just got back into the house and attempted getting a glass of water and my arms are so sore that I can barely hold the glass with both hands. It is crazy how much it hurts and how weak my arms are afterwards, but it’s just so much bloody fun.
Awesome, awesome, awesome thing I must share so that you can all be jealous: Muzzer and I play badminton with bats every night. There are bats living down my street and we play long enough for it to go dark and the bats with come out and swoop low over us and in and out and it is damn adorable. We are like, “Two, two batty-bats we almost hit and killed with our rackets, ah-ah-ah.!”
---
And on a completely random note: I saw a woman at the grocery store a couple of days ago that looked exactly like Eicca Toppinen of Apocalyptica. It was most alarming. I had to do a double take when I first saw her. Her face as so alike; her nose, the curves of her face (though Eicca has slightly more prominent curves), her lips. She even had the long blonde hair tied back at the nap of her neck. The only thing different between the two (other than their genders, obviously) was her skin; it was leathery and made her look old.
I explained this all to the Muzzer and she’s like, “She does look Scandinavian.” To which I replied, “Finnish people aren’t technically Scandinavian,” and went off into a spiel. She’s like, “Whatever,” after I was done, “They look the same.” Pah! (okay, yes they do, but you know, trying to educate her here and she’s tells me “Whatever.”)
ETA: Are you aware how abnormal the word “friend” is? Truly. Try staring at it for awhile, it is most petrifying.