there are no flowers, no not this time.
Kaitlin had come over for a Jane Austen movie fest when Dad came home to get me. My Grandpa developed phenomena, and he is dying. We left Kaitlin at our house and went to the hospital. The city was so empty as we drove - and I couldn’t help but wonder what everyone else was doing as I made my way to say goodbye to my Grandfather. How dare they be happy when I was loosing someone?
There is no possible way to describe the grief I felt when I went into his room. My family was reeking of it. It is so unbelievably hard to look at someone you know you will never see alive again. I tried to forget that fact, but looking upon his body on that hospital bed - it was heart wrenching. My stomach stills aches from crying.
Even now it does not fully comprehend to me. He is dying. He was doing so well - and now he's dying.
I hate seeing people so weak and fragile. I just wanted to comfort them, somehow ease their pain, but I do not know how. To watch my family fall to pieces before my eyes - it was unbearable.
And to see my Grandpa so unguarded and defenceless as his body slowly began to shut down - the mask covering his face, only coming to consciousness for a few moments before fading again - it hurt. I do not even know if he knew I was there.
My father brought me home after a few hours. He went to work and I watched the extras of Love Actually with Kaitlin. We put on Mansfield Park next, and only after the movie had ended do reality strike me once again. It is funny how fiction can do that - change everything for the better. We watched Emma after that - and now, here I am, at the computer as Kaitlin snores on the couch across the room.
My mother is not home from the hospital, and it is past one. This worries me, and I fear only the worst. My Grandfather has died.
I do not have any more tears to shed.
There is no possible way to describe the grief I felt when I went into his room. My family was reeking of it. It is so unbelievably hard to look at someone you know you will never see alive again. I tried to forget that fact, but looking upon his body on that hospital bed - it was heart wrenching. My stomach stills aches from crying.
Even now it does not fully comprehend to me. He is dying. He was doing so well - and now he's dying.
I hate seeing people so weak and fragile. I just wanted to comfort them, somehow ease their pain, but I do not know how. To watch my family fall to pieces before my eyes - it was unbearable.
And to see my Grandpa so unguarded and defenceless as his body slowly began to shut down - the mask covering his face, only coming to consciousness for a few moments before fading again - it hurt. I do not even know if he knew I was there.
My father brought me home after a few hours. He went to work and I watched the extras of Love Actually with Kaitlin. We put on Mansfield Park next, and only after the movie had ended do reality strike me once again. It is funny how fiction can do that - change everything for the better. We watched Emma after that - and now, here I am, at the computer as Kaitlin snores on the couch across the room.
My mother is not home from the hospital, and it is past one. This worries me, and I fear only the worst. My Grandfather has died.
I do not have any more tears to shed.