Guide to the DMV
This blog is going DOWNHILL. Downhill, I say. I don't really know what to do about it, but my philosophy is kind of like my philosophy concerning things like real estate and the stock market: just ride it out.
Anyway, as a bitter side-effect of moving to Bethesda, I had to go to the DMV this morning to register my car in Maryland and get a Maryland license. Based on my experiences, I've compiled this handy-dandy list for you entitled Winning at the DMV.
1. Arrive early. For the record, I got up at 7:00 this morning, left my house at 7:30, and arrived at the DMV a full half hour before it opened (8:00). I was not the first person there. Or even the second. In fact, I had to take my place in a long line that stretched down the length of the building.
2. Wait for half an hour outside. Did I mention it's January? Yeah. Cold.
3. Go from one line to the next. When they finally do open the doors, you'll be escorted from the line outside to the line inside.
4. Approach the information desk. Start off cheery because it's early, and it's the DMV, and these people have a (literally) LONG LINE of customers. Tell them what you need (A Maryland license and registration).
5. Don't curse when they tell you that you need documents you didn't bring. Instead, focus on the fact that even though you don't have two proofs of your address and can't get your Maryland license, you have brought your vehicle inspection, so you CAN sign up for your registration! All right!
6. Take the form the info person gives you and try to fill it out.
7. Bring it back to the counter when you think you're finished.
8. Don't curse when they tell you to go back and try again because you haven't filled out four of the required sections and you've filled out an extra section that didn't need to be filled out in the first place. Also, don't curse when they go back over the form, telling you what you need to do so fast that you can't stop to ask any questions because the reason you didn't fill out those sections in the FIRST place was because you had NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK THEY MEANT. (What the hell is a lien? And who knew cars had "body types"? I thought that was just for people!)
9. Call your dad and yell at him in an irritated voice to find the information you don't have (your insurance policy, the percent car tax in Virginia, etc.)
10. Bring the form up again.
11. Don't curse when they tell you that you STILL don't pass.
12. Try again, and bring it back up to the counter.
13. You passed! Yes! The gatekeeper (information desk) has finally let you through! Now they will give you a ticket. A golden ticket!
14. Except that your golden ticket isn't actually golden. It just says E5 and takes twenty minutes to actually be called.
15. $250 dollars and forty-five minutes later, you're outta there! Until this weekend when you have to go back to get your license.
Phew.
Now that is not how I like to start off my mornings.
Anyway, as a bitter side-effect of moving to Bethesda, I had to go to the DMV this morning to register my car in Maryland and get a Maryland license. Based on my experiences, I've compiled this handy-dandy list for you entitled Winning at the DMV.
1. Arrive early. For the record, I got up at 7:00 this morning, left my house at 7:30, and arrived at the DMV a full half hour before it opened (8:00). I was not the first person there. Or even the second. In fact, I had to take my place in a long line that stretched down the length of the building.
2. Wait for half an hour outside. Did I mention it's January? Yeah. Cold.
3. Go from one line to the next. When they finally do open the doors, you'll be escorted from the line outside to the line inside.
4. Approach the information desk. Start off cheery because it's early, and it's the DMV, and these people have a (literally) LONG LINE of customers. Tell them what you need (A Maryland license and registration).
5. Don't curse when they tell you that you need documents you didn't bring. Instead, focus on the fact that even though you don't have two proofs of your address and can't get your Maryland license, you have brought your vehicle inspection, so you CAN sign up for your registration! All right!
6. Take the form the info person gives you and try to fill it out.
7. Bring it back to the counter when you think you're finished.
8. Don't curse when they tell you to go back and try again because you haven't filled out four of the required sections and you've filled out an extra section that didn't need to be filled out in the first place. Also, don't curse when they go back over the form, telling you what you need to do so fast that you can't stop to ask any questions because the reason you didn't fill out those sections in the FIRST place was because you had NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK THEY MEANT. (What the hell is a lien? And who knew cars had "body types"? I thought that was just for people!)
9. Call your dad and yell at him in an irritated voice to find the information you don't have (your insurance policy, the percent car tax in Virginia, etc.)
10. Bring the form up again.
11. Don't curse when they tell you that you STILL don't pass.
12. Try again, and bring it back up to the counter.
13. You passed! Yes! The gatekeeper (information desk) has finally let you through! Now they will give you a ticket. A golden ticket!
14. Except that your golden ticket isn't actually golden. It just says E5 and takes twenty minutes to actually be called.
15. $250 dollars and forty-five minutes later, you're outta there! Until this weekend when you have to go back to get your license.
Phew.
Now that is not how I like to start off my mornings.