weird
I just realized that for the first time in four years, I didn't post a New Year's post.
It also just dawned on me that a year ago today, I spoke to the person who has quite possibly had the biggest affect on my life for the last time. It's been an effing year.
I love New Year's. The idea of a fresh start. I love looking back, and remembering that you had no clue where you'd wind up, and laughing at all the times you thought "I never would have dreamt that would happen...EVER". But this year... it hasn't dawned on me that it is in fact a new year. Am I not wanting to let go of the last year? Is it the minorly depressing realization that I may very well be in the exact same place a year from now, and that's not where I want to be? I find myself less optimistic, and less hopeful. I mean, it's still there. But I use to get this feeling of purity at the beginning of the year. That I had a clean slate, and I hadn't fucked it up yet. And I haven't fucked it up yet... so where is the clearheadedness I always look forward to?
I'm afraid that as we grow older, I will lose that. Or rather, that I will have to fight harder and harder to remember it. But! Have faith. I'm not done fighting yet. :)
May 2007 make your dreams come true. The optimist in me still believes it's possible.
It also just dawned on me that a year ago today, I spoke to the person who has quite possibly had the biggest affect on my life for the last time. It's been an effing year.
I love New Year's. The idea of a fresh start. I love looking back, and remembering that you had no clue where you'd wind up, and laughing at all the times you thought "I never would have dreamt that would happen...EVER". But this year... it hasn't dawned on me that it is in fact a new year. Am I not wanting to let go of the last year? Is it the minorly depressing realization that I may very well be in the exact same place a year from now, and that's not where I want to be? I find myself less optimistic, and less hopeful. I mean, it's still there. But I use to get this feeling of purity at the beginning of the year. That I had a clean slate, and I hadn't fucked it up yet. And I haven't fucked it up yet... so where is the clearheadedness I always look forward to?
I'm afraid that as we grow older, I will lose that. Or rather, that I will have to fight harder and harder to remember it. But! Have faith. I'm not done fighting yet. :)
May 2007 make your dreams come true. The optimist in me still believes it's possible.