April Showers...
I was driving to work Wednesday afternoon and I went by this development. For those of you whom are 'development savvy' you must know that a retention pond is required in every one. I pass one on my way to work and it had partially filled up with water, as is its purpose. It's fairly large, about 10' by 15' and in the center was one, lone duck. He was just hangin out in the middle of the big pond, alone. I thought about that duck all night. Maybe there were other ducks that were once with him but had flown away. Now he was alone. But I didn't get the impression he was a sad duck. He looked placid and relaxed.
I'm that duck. In the middle of something huge and there's no one else. Sure I could be miserable, as I have no one, but I don't want to be miserable. I want to be that duck.
I haven't been thinking much about Jackie. I have all of this school work that's due and, so far, I've been doing pretty well with it. In my one class, we had to do a visual analysis of a character from a novel and, reportedly, no one ever gets an A. Well, I got an A. While I had no one to share that with, at least I know that I did it on my own. Usually though, at some part of the day, I am reminded of her. I'll see a commercial that we used to like or a preview for a movie that we had seen, and at first, I'll laugh at the memory. But then the sadness comes. That empty, desolate feeling that is deep inside my stomach.
I wrote this poem yesterday. I don't know where all the pain came from. Please don't over react about it and recommend me for counseling. My writing has always been characteristically dark.
Frozen River
a mirror shattered in silence
Frozen river slowly cracking apart
it shifts, it moans, it threatens to break
I lie in the middle, me and my heavy heart
Ice as black as death
That sinking feeling in my brain
it shifts, it moans, it threatens to break
I clench my fists, I swallow the pain
Water so cold it burns
Tears so hot they freeze
it shifts, it moans, it threatens to break
I close my eyes, I hug my knees
A wound that does not bleed
Frozen river swiftly cracks apart
it shifts, it moans, all the ice breaks
I lie at the bottom, me and my heavy heart
I'm that duck. In the middle of something huge and there's no one else. Sure I could be miserable, as I have no one, but I don't want to be miserable. I want to be that duck.
I haven't been thinking much about Jackie. I have all of this school work that's due and, so far, I've been doing pretty well with it. In my one class, we had to do a visual analysis of a character from a novel and, reportedly, no one ever gets an A. Well, I got an A. While I had no one to share that with, at least I know that I did it on my own. Usually though, at some part of the day, I am reminded of her. I'll see a commercial that we used to like or a preview for a movie that we had seen, and at first, I'll laugh at the memory. But then the sadness comes. That empty, desolate feeling that is deep inside my stomach.
I wrote this poem yesterday. I don't know where all the pain came from. Please don't over react about it and recommend me for counseling. My writing has always been characteristically dark.
Frozen River
a mirror shattered in silence
Frozen river slowly cracking apart
it shifts, it moans, it threatens to break
I lie in the middle, me and my heavy heart
Ice as black as death
That sinking feeling in my brain
it shifts, it moans, it threatens to break
I clench my fists, I swallow the pain
Water so cold it burns
Tears so hot they freeze
it shifts, it moans, it threatens to break
I close my eyes, I hug my knees
A wound that does not bleed
Frozen river swiftly cracks apart
it shifts, it moans, all the ice breaks
I lie at the bottom, me and my heavy heart