European Vacation
My thoughts right around 10:37 p.m.
Me: You know what my new favorite show is? Will and Grace, love it can't get enough. Best show ever.
Jackie: I know, I love that show! Jack is my favorite. I stopped watching though.
Me: Why? It get on your nerves?
Jackie: No. The season finale was...weird.
Me: How so?
Jackie: Well you know how Will and Grace are like best friends? Well, Grace ends up running off to England to be with Leo (even though he cheated on her) and Will gets so mad at her that they don't talk for like years.
Me: Like two or three years?
Jackie: No like, they don't speak again until their children are in college together.
Me: Whaaaaat?
Jackie: Isn't that an awful way to end a show about being best friends? That's not what people want to see! Best friends don't just take off and never speak to each other again.
Ironic, isn't it?
The more I try to confide in other people, the more I end up missing Jackie. Im beginning to think that A. I'm never going to find anyone like Jackie and B. No one will ever understand me the way that she did. A lot of people have misconceptions about me and I just don't feel like convincing them who I really am. For instance, a peer at school called me "angry and delusional" the other day. Not only am I neither of these things but he just can't seem to stop trying to convince me that I am. I don't which is worse, not being something or being constantly told that I am something. If I were angry, I would admit it. Why deny it? Why not embrace it as a part of me? But I'm not. Anger isn't something like happiness. Happiness is gray. Anger is either there or it's not. The only person who will ever know if he/she is truly angry is themself. The same with happiness. I don't mind being told something about myself by another person. It's annoying, however, to be relentlessly nagged about it. I have notions about other people. I think that girl is sheltered. I think that guy is judgmental. I think that girl is intelligent but lacks common sense. I think that guy is neurotic and overly emotional with his grades. These are things you think but shouldn't say. After all, who are you to say anything about a person you've only known for a short while?
My relationship with Chris is not without its flaws. He may not be as smart or attractive as me. And, true, he's not as agile and lacks a basic sense of responsibility but...I love him. He's never been afraid to put me in my place. Ever. He and I connected since the first day and I'm sorry that everyone doesn't understand, appreciate, or have what we have but he makes me very happy. There are obstacles that we need to overcome but that's true of all relationships.
I don't want people in my life that I don't feel I can talk to. I don't want a friend to be constantly judging everything I do and everything I am. I just want someone to hang out with. Talk about movies and life. I just want my best friend back. Is that so much to ask?
Me: You know what my new favorite show is? Will and Grace, love it can't get enough. Best show ever.
Jackie: I know, I love that show! Jack is my favorite. I stopped watching though.
Me: Why? It get on your nerves?
Jackie: No. The season finale was...weird.
Me: How so?
Jackie: Well you know how Will and Grace are like best friends? Well, Grace ends up running off to England to be with Leo (even though he cheated on her) and Will gets so mad at her that they don't talk for like years.
Me: Like two or three years?
Jackie: No like, they don't speak again until their children are in college together.
Me: Whaaaaat?
Jackie: Isn't that an awful way to end a show about being best friends? That's not what people want to see! Best friends don't just take off and never speak to each other again.
Ironic, isn't it?
The more I try to confide in other people, the more I end up missing Jackie. Im beginning to think that A. I'm never going to find anyone like Jackie and B. No one will ever understand me the way that she did. A lot of people have misconceptions about me and I just don't feel like convincing them who I really am. For instance, a peer at school called me "angry and delusional" the other day. Not only am I neither of these things but he just can't seem to stop trying to convince me that I am. I don't which is worse, not being something or being constantly told that I am something. If I were angry, I would admit it. Why deny it? Why not embrace it as a part of me? But I'm not. Anger isn't something like happiness. Happiness is gray. Anger is either there or it's not. The only person who will ever know if he/she is truly angry is themself. The same with happiness. I don't mind being told something about myself by another person. It's annoying, however, to be relentlessly nagged about it. I have notions about other people. I think that girl is sheltered. I think that guy is judgmental. I think that girl is intelligent but lacks common sense. I think that guy is neurotic and overly emotional with his grades. These are things you think but shouldn't say. After all, who are you to say anything about a person you've only known for a short while?
My relationship with Chris is not without its flaws. He may not be as smart or attractive as me. And, true, he's not as agile and lacks a basic sense of responsibility but...I love him. He's never been afraid to put me in my place. Ever. He and I connected since the first day and I'm sorry that everyone doesn't understand, appreciate, or have what we have but he makes me very happy. There are obstacles that we need to overcome but that's true of all relationships.
I don't want people in my life that I don't feel I can talk to. I don't want a friend to be constantly judging everything I do and everything I am. I just want someone to hang out with. Talk about movies and life. I just want my best friend back. Is that so much to ask?