I'll make it easy for you...stab me here---> <3
Sitting in the library, could be doing something school productive but i thought that i would work on the soul instead, ever felt like you're in a really crowded place...packed with people, noise, laughter, smiles, but never felt more alone. I feel like the world is in a bad mood with me, from family to friends even to animals, come to think about it i dnt think animals have ever really liked me(im the stupid twat that puts my finger in cages, gets bitten, then yells at the animal).
I have 8 weeks and 1 day until i graduate and im shitting myself, i feel like no one knows me or understands me, im doing my best at the moment to make people happy but all i seem to be doing is pissing them off. I'm one of those people who makes a silly mistake but pays for it for a long long time after that, i'm the person where rumours spread about me, i guess people just dont like me(ouch!), or "ive said" something about someone....but i didnt really say it.
Im trying to look at my life from many different angles basically trying to fixs the cluttered mess that i have made....the mess consists of unfinished school work, unknown future plans, confused love/infatuation situationS, and family fueds.(me vs the rents).
I know how to fix school, start working, future plans....decide to stick with going to uni and work from there, oh and i need a new job, family fueds...direct result from the work in school, well the love/infatuation, having mad thoughts about this one. I'll start a new paragraph:
I've never been IN-LOVE...EVER, i have loved people, maybe they havent loved me back, or i havent loved them back they way they want me too. I cant seem to differentiate between love and infatuation, never really been good at the whole getting a boyfriend thing either, dnt really know why, i want to be in-love more than anything in the world, i truly believe that i could really make someone happy, but could they do the same for me? i throw guys through hoops trying to see if its going to work out not realizing that i am destroying any potential of a relationship before i even give it a chance. im well known for pushing people away, discreetly, and in VERY wierd ways but i dnt want it to seem like im pushing them away, so i want it to be the fact that THEY dont like me, i cant do the whole letting down thing(i find it more painful for me than for them i think) i would rather suffer myself than make someone else miserable.
$1000 QUESTIONS IS: SO what do i do this time?DO i sort myself out and be who i am scared to be....myself and just love, or do i play the silly games that i hate and despise? DO i just not do anything and live life, and hope for a tradgic ending? you know we all live for the tradgic endings....
Why do we do that? we ask questions that we know the answer too, yes so it hurts but if you hear it from someone else, you can then say THEY hurt you, when simply they are just telling you the truth I think we live for drama, trama and pain, everyone in this generation seems to have a torn heart with a bloody knife, someone breaks yours, then its your turn to break someone else's how do u justify that? This world is a cruel place and things arent going to get better, we simply have to learn to survive loving mass murders, I love my murderer....do you love yours?
xxXxx
I have 8 weeks and 1 day until i graduate and im shitting myself, i feel like no one knows me or understands me, im doing my best at the moment to make people happy but all i seem to be doing is pissing them off. I'm one of those people who makes a silly mistake but pays for it for a long long time after that, i'm the person where rumours spread about me, i guess people just dont like me(ouch!), or "ive said" something about someone....but i didnt really say it.
Im trying to look at my life from many different angles basically trying to fixs the cluttered mess that i have made....the mess consists of unfinished school work, unknown future plans, confused love/infatuation situationS, and family fueds.(me vs the rents).
I know how to fix school, start working, future plans....decide to stick with going to uni and work from there, oh and i need a new job, family fueds...direct result from the work in school, well the love/infatuation, having mad thoughts about this one. I'll start a new paragraph:
I've never been IN-LOVE...EVER, i have loved people, maybe they havent loved me back, or i havent loved them back they way they want me too. I cant seem to differentiate between love and infatuation, never really been good at the whole getting a boyfriend thing either, dnt really know why, i want to be in-love more than anything in the world, i truly believe that i could really make someone happy, but could they do the same for me? i throw guys through hoops trying to see if its going to work out not realizing that i am destroying any potential of a relationship before i even give it a chance. im well known for pushing people away, discreetly, and in VERY wierd ways but i dnt want it to seem like im pushing them away, so i want it to be the fact that THEY dont like me, i cant do the whole letting down thing(i find it more painful for me than for them i think) i would rather suffer myself than make someone else miserable.
$1000 QUESTIONS IS: SO what do i do this time?DO i sort myself out and be who i am scared to be....myself and just love, or do i play the silly games that i hate and despise? DO i just not do anything and live life, and hope for a tradgic ending? you know we all live for the tradgic endings....
Why do we do that? we ask questions that we know the answer too, yes so it hurts but if you hear it from someone else, you can then say THEY hurt you, when simply they are just telling you the truth I think we live for drama, trama and pain, everyone in this generation seems to have a torn heart with a bloody knife, someone breaks yours, then its your turn to break someone else's how do u justify that? This world is a cruel place and things arent going to get better, we simply have to learn to survive loving mass murders, I love my murderer....do you love yours?
xxXxx