Looking brighter...
I forget what we were talking about the other day, but I made some comment to Misty to the effect of "What do you have a hot date or something?" and we ended up having a conversation about dating other people:
misty: you aren't mad at me are you
me: no
me: why would I be mad?
misty: jsut askin cause u said u got all serious
me: it's jsut i was mostly making a joke when i asked if you were having a hot date today or whatever, but when you answered the way you did, with the idea that you might end up dating someone else at the same time... i kinda went all moody & emotional on you and i didn't mean to
misty: lol
misty: like I said its not like i got a line of people or something
misty: we both need to be with the right people and i think you agree correct? and if we jump righ tinto being with only each other then we might make another wrong choice like the last few
me: thats true
misty: taht why i want things slow and also don't want to cut anything out
me: that makes sense..its jsut the way my brain works sometimes..i can't help it
misty: i know i understand
misty: and i know that the last i do want is to hurt u which is another reason things are gonna be slow. I DO NOT want to start things if it might not work out. yuo know what i mean like start kissing and doing more and all that just to find out we or one or the other doesn't want to be with each other
me: that makes sense
misty: i have put a lot of thought into it so don't think i am just being an ass
me: i never thought you were being an ass
misty: its best for both of us considering we both like to become doormats
misty: lol
misty: i know i just dont want u to missunderstand me
misty: i dont sleep aroudn or hide shit like most people do
misty: and that the honest truth
misty: i expect to know if someone i am dating is with other people so i return the favor
me: and that's it exactly...when it comes to relationships i forget how to think with my head and just let my heart run off being crazy on its own. that's how i end up in bad relationships..so it's a good thing one of us can think logically to keep the other on track
misty: there is no one right now so i dont want yuo to be upset
misty: lol
me: i don't really have a reason to get all upset anyhow, because it's only been 2 dates and dating more than one person at a time really isn't that unusual. I'm just too fucking emotional and when someone I'm dating starts talking about dating other ppl too then my sad little brain immediately thinks "oh, well, obviously they don't really want me and I'm just something to have fun with if they're seeing other ppl." i know. i'm insane. sorry
me: and that's called complete lack of self confidence, boys and girls
misty: lol well dont think of it that way
misty: i do like going out w u. i think we have a good time and good conversation. i jus tdont wanna flop into something like i always have before
This conversation, especially the one part she said about "just to find out we or one or the other doesn't want to be with each other" somehow gives me the feeling that she's afraid since I've never dated a girl before that I'm going to change my mind. She hasn't said that... just my thoughts.
Then there's also my nervousness because she's still friends with her ex, the one that just broke up with her. At one point I guess she [the ex who I will call "P"] said something like "Oh don't worry what I'm doing. Just go on with your life. Put me in the back of your mind and go out with your girlfriend or whatever you call her." This (duh) bothered me. Misty said not to worry about it and that P was for her to deal with. So last night she was telling me she'd gone to see "Alvin and the Chipmunks" with P and her daughter.
me: do I'm being nosey. who'd you go see the chipmunks with?
misty: lol
misty: p and her daughter
misty: don't worry it wasnt a date
me: i didn't think it was
misty: uh huh yea sure
misty: lol
me: <--- is doing very well at not being paranoid and jealous
misty: lol
misty: is that the truth
misty: or slightlyfictional
me: actually, it is the truth. i will admit that p makes me a little nervous, but you tell me not to worry, so I'm doing my best to trust you
misty: lol
misty: well p and i have history but i actually came to terms with it will never be a relationship and ever if it would it isnt what i need or actually want
misty: we just filled each others void
me: i can understand that
So I feel a bit better about P now. Hopefully she won't make herself difficult if this really becomes something... Which certain signs are telling me it might. ^_______________^
But part of that might just be the comments about holding people down and sending pics from the bathtub...........................................
Oh, and completely on another topic, I have my beloved new & improved big gay compy home and hooked up. HALLELUJAH! I have my musik. I have my pictures. I have my porn. It's a beautifull thing. Next on my to-do list: Get an effing cord so I can hook BGC up to the internet!
misty: you aren't mad at me are you
me: no
me: why would I be mad?
misty: jsut askin cause u said u got all serious
me: it's jsut i was mostly making a joke when i asked if you were having a hot date today or whatever, but when you answered the way you did, with the idea that you might end up dating someone else at the same time... i kinda went all moody & emotional on you and i didn't mean to
misty: lol
misty: like I said its not like i got a line of people or something
misty: we both need to be with the right people and i think you agree correct? and if we jump righ tinto being with only each other then we might make another wrong choice like the last few
me: thats true
misty: taht why i want things slow and also don't want to cut anything out
me: that makes sense..its jsut the way my brain works sometimes..i can't help it
misty: i know i understand
misty: and i know that the last i do want is to hurt u which is another reason things are gonna be slow. I DO NOT want to start things if it might not work out. yuo know what i mean like start kissing and doing more and all that just to find out we or one or the other doesn't want to be with each other
me: that makes sense
misty: i have put a lot of thought into it so don't think i am just being an ass
me: i never thought you were being an ass
misty: its best for both of us considering we both like to become doormats
misty: lol
misty: i know i just dont want u to missunderstand me
misty: i dont sleep aroudn or hide shit like most people do
misty: and that the honest truth
misty: i expect to know if someone i am dating is with other people so i return the favor
me: and that's it exactly...when it comes to relationships i forget how to think with my head and just let my heart run off being crazy on its own. that's how i end up in bad relationships..so it's a good thing one of us can think logically to keep the other on track
misty: there is no one right now so i dont want yuo to be upset
misty: lol
me: i don't really have a reason to get all upset anyhow, because it's only been 2 dates and dating more than one person at a time really isn't that unusual. I'm just too fucking emotional and when someone I'm dating starts talking about dating other ppl too then my sad little brain immediately thinks "oh, well, obviously they don't really want me and I'm just something to have fun with if they're seeing other ppl." i know. i'm insane. sorry
me: and that's called complete lack of self confidence, boys and girls
misty: lol well dont think of it that way
misty: i do like going out w u. i think we have a good time and good conversation. i jus tdont wanna flop into something like i always have before
This conversation, especially the one part she said about "just to find out we or one or the other doesn't want to be with each other" somehow gives me the feeling that she's afraid since I've never dated a girl before that I'm going to change my mind. She hasn't said that... just my thoughts.
Then there's also my nervousness because she's still friends with her ex, the one that just broke up with her. At one point I guess she [the ex who I will call "P"] said something like "Oh don't worry what I'm doing. Just go on with your life. Put me in the back of your mind and go out with your girlfriend or whatever you call her." This (duh) bothered me. Misty said not to worry about it and that P was for her to deal with. So last night she was telling me she'd gone to see "Alvin and the Chipmunks" with P and her daughter.
me: do I'm being nosey. who'd you go see the chipmunks with?
misty: lol
misty: p and her daughter
misty: don't worry it wasnt a date
me: i didn't think it was
misty: uh huh yea sure
misty: lol
me: <--- is doing very well at not being paranoid and jealous
misty: lol
misty: is that the truth
misty: or slightlyfictional
me: actually, it is the truth. i will admit that p makes me a little nervous, but you tell me not to worry, so I'm doing my best to trust you
misty: lol
misty: well p and i have history but i actually came to terms with it will never be a relationship and ever if it would it isnt what i need or actually want
misty: we just filled each others void
me: i can understand that
So I feel a bit better about P now. Hopefully she won't make herself difficult if this really becomes something... Which certain signs are telling me it might. ^_______________^
But part of that might just be the comments about holding people down and sending pics from the bathtub...........................................
Oh, and completely on another topic, I have my beloved new & improved big gay compy home and hooked up. HALLELUJAH! I have my musik. I have my pictures. I have my porn. It's a beautifull thing. Next on my to-do list: Get an effing cord so I can hook BGC up to the internet!