i wanna see your strut! come on walk for me!
okay so there's this guy, who you might have heard of. he was on american idol. no. not that guy. or that one. this one would be matt g. who i floved. this is a video with really fab audio of his first post-idol original song. (he wrote it with lady antebellum, if you know who that is)
bitch iz sexy. that is all.
speaking of sexy bitches. dare i ask if you saw adam on the amas? i absolutely loved that performance. every minute of it. (my personal fave is where he kisses the hot teenage piano player) it was a sexy, over-the-top performance and i honestly think it was fantastik. yes, i was shocked watching it the first time, but not bad shocked. just like 'holy shit you're a hot bitch' kinda shocked. i actually love him more now than i did before. it takes guts to put every bit of yourself into a performance like that, knowing that most of the public (including some of your shitty, supposed fans) & the media are going to rip you apart for it. but so many artists want to empower people to 'not be afraid to be themselves' but they don't have the nerve to really be honest about who they are. they bring their performances down to a "safe" level for the public at large to digest. not wanting to alienate any possible fans by going to far. but i respect that adam will say 'if my performance makes you uncomfortable, then maybe i'm not for you.' i also have to agree with him that if it had been a woman doing it, there would barely have been a stink. i mean shit carrie underwood had strippers writhing around and shakira had a whole chorus line spanking her and each other. look at it honestly. if it had been rihanna instead of adam, or lady gaga, they would have said it was a killer hot performance. you know they would.
oh and lest i forget, his album is totally killer. listening it makes me feel dangerous! lol and sexy. it's such an awesome album. his vocals are great and i don't think i could begin to pick a fave. i kinda wanna listen to it all the time. it's very confidence & self-esteem boosting. not to mention perfect to dance your ass off to.
i think i finally figured out why my emotions feel like i've hidden them away where i can't quite reach them. i think it was my subconscious sneaky way of 'curing' my codependence. bc if you don't feel the emotions of loneliness and sadness and wanting someone then you don't run from guy to guy bc you're afraid of being alone. or cling to your friends or your mother every waking moment so you're not alone. so i stuffed those aching emotions and the crying and pain down where i couldn't get at them and tada! i could live on my own and not be constantly lonely or un-happy. which is all well and good.. unless you actually want to feel. and to heal for good. to be happily alone for real. so now i have to dig those emotions back up and deal with them. i know i'm healthier all around now than i was and i have faith that i can re-connect with those emotions. it will just take some time and patience with myself to reconnect all the emotional wires. i've been letting myself cry more lately and laughing louder. it's getting there.
on that note..
brian twittered me. i let him follow me on twitter and didn't block him. (i think i posted about him suddenly following me and the fact that i was - and still am - the only person he's following) well i've been doing a lot of emotional work lately and through reading the enneagram realised that i've had a major security issue all my life. so i really think that when we met it was way too soon after what happened with johnny cheating on me. i really think that brian never stood an honest chance in hell of my trusting him. i was suspicious of every thing he did way before he ever actually gave me reason to worry. i thought about writing to him but i was kind of afraid... i'm not sure of what. but i went to twitter and i followed him back. when i got on to check tonight, he had twittered "im so sorry tabby". i just... for some reason that made me cry... and break a lil inside. i can't lie. he didn't @reply me.. so i could have easily pretended that i didn't see it. but i twittered back, w/o @replying him either, "we were both human brian. we were both a mess." and left it at that. i don't really know how to feel right now.
that's enuf for right now. i need to eat something.
ps i'm going to fucking miss jedward. i won't even lie.
Click to viewbitch iz sexy. that is all.
speaking of sexy bitches. dare i ask if you saw adam on the amas? i absolutely loved that performance. every minute of it. (my personal fave is where he kisses the hot teenage piano player) it was a sexy, over-the-top performance and i honestly think it was fantastik. yes, i was shocked watching it the first time, but not bad shocked. just like 'holy shit you're a hot bitch' kinda shocked. i actually love him more now than i did before. it takes guts to put every bit of yourself into a performance like that, knowing that most of the public (including some of your shitty, supposed fans) & the media are going to rip you apart for it. but so many artists want to empower people to 'not be afraid to be themselves' but they don't have the nerve to really be honest about who they are. they bring their performances down to a "safe" level for the public at large to digest. not wanting to alienate any possible fans by going to far. but i respect that adam will say 'if my performance makes you uncomfortable, then maybe i'm not for you.' i also have to agree with him that if it had been a woman doing it, there would barely have been a stink. i mean shit carrie underwood had strippers writhing around and shakira had a whole chorus line spanking her and each other. look at it honestly. if it had been rihanna instead of adam, or lady gaga, they would have said it was a killer hot performance. you know they would.
oh and lest i forget, his album is totally killer. listening it makes me feel dangerous! lol and sexy. it's such an awesome album. his vocals are great and i don't think i could begin to pick a fave. i kinda wanna listen to it all the time. it's very confidence & self-esteem boosting. not to mention perfect to dance your ass off to.
i think i finally figured out why my emotions feel like i've hidden them away where i can't quite reach them. i think it was my subconscious sneaky way of 'curing' my codependence. bc if you don't feel the emotions of loneliness and sadness and wanting someone then you don't run from guy to guy bc you're afraid of being alone. or cling to your friends or your mother every waking moment so you're not alone. so i stuffed those aching emotions and the crying and pain down where i couldn't get at them and tada! i could live on my own and not be constantly lonely or un-happy. which is all well and good.. unless you actually want to feel. and to heal for good. to be happily alone for real. so now i have to dig those emotions back up and deal with them. i know i'm healthier all around now than i was and i have faith that i can re-connect with those emotions. it will just take some time and patience with myself to reconnect all the emotional wires. i've been letting myself cry more lately and laughing louder. it's getting there.
on that note..
brian twittered me. i let him follow me on twitter and didn't block him. (i think i posted about him suddenly following me and the fact that i was - and still am - the only person he's following) well i've been doing a lot of emotional work lately and through reading the enneagram realised that i've had a major security issue all my life. so i really think that when we met it was way too soon after what happened with johnny cheating on me. i really think that brian never stood an honest chance in hell of my trusting him. i was suspicious of every thing he did way before he ever actually gave me reason to worry. i thought about writing to him but i was kind of afraid... i'm not sure of what. but i went to twitter and i followed him back. when i got on to check tonight, he had twittered "im so sorry tabby". i just... for some reason that made me cry... and break a lil inside. i can't lie. he didn't @reply me.. so i could have easily pretended that i didn't see it. but i twittered back, w/o @replying him either, "we were both human brian. we were both a mess." and left it at that. i don't really know how to feel right now.
that's enuf for right now. i need to eat something.
ps i'm going to fucking miss jedward. i won't even lie.